I am now busy copying my favorite posts from my old blog called “Midlife Crisis Queen” as I have decided to close it down soon. I guess my midlife crisis is safely behind me now… I wrote this post a week or so after my bike accident in 2008, where I suffered a traumatic brain injury, fractured ribs, etc. Good advice to those of you who care for those with any bad injuries.
Having recently gone through the harrowing experience of a serious bike accident and its aftermath, I thought you might all benefit from some top do’s and don’ts when someone you love is injured or becomes seriously ill.
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Do something. Say something. Don’t do or say nothing! BTW, an e-mail is nothing.
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Do encourage your friend’s strength, spirit and efforts as they try to recover. Don’t minimize their efforts by saying trite things like: “A positive attitude is everything.”
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Do help your friend communicate with others if they request it. In my case I was not able to communicate with my friends how disabled I was for a few weeks.
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Do allow your friend to set the mood and limits around them. If they need to talk, go with that. Don’t impose your mood or fears upon them. Respect their limits in the amount of time they can handle spending with others.
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Do bring cards, food, flowers, videos, etc. to cheer the person up, assist them, and make them feel loved and appreciated.
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Do include your friend in events or activities they might be able to enjoy. It can get mighty lonely and discouraging spending days on end alone and aching.
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Do acknowledge their physical changes or disabilities; don’t just ignore them or talk around them.
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Do offer specific help. Don’t wait for the injured person to ask. If they have experienced a serious injury or concussion, it may not even occur to them to ask. Call them and visit when necessary to offer assistance.
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Do ask sincerely and specifically about what they have gone through, and allow them to talk about their experience quietly. Listening may be your best skill at this point in time. Severe illness and injury is traumatic, and should be processed emotionally as needed. There are aspects of PTSD related to most serious accidents. Be open to helping your friend recover memories of the experience that they may have forgotten, process bad dreams surrounding their experience, etc.
It seems that many of us boomers may have lost the fine art of empathy and compassion necessary to care for friends who are ill or injured. This will not serve us, as we age and start to need to depend more heavily on our friends and loved ones for assistance.
Adventures of the NEW??? Old Farts 
Very, very good advice. I will certainly be able to help someone in that situation much ore by know what not to do, as well as what can actually be done to help. Thank you.
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Very similar advice for those going through extreme grief. It is difficult for many of us to know what to do… so I say just show up and figure it out as you can. Sometimes injuries or grief can cause a person to be quick tempered. Try to never take that personally. Pain, physical or mental, can be shown in many different forms.
Thanks for a very good reminder.
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Yes you two, it’s all about not judging, just showing how much you care.
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sorry for the injury, but glad you have obviously recovered!
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Yes Meg. I’ve been writing about the strange benefits that can come from brain injuries…
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So glad you recovered. It’s even harder as we age and we don’t bounce back as fast. Great tips.
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And believe me, nobody bounces back quick from a head injury. That’s the trick, to be patient with yourself and believe that it will get better!
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Great stuff. I think sometimes people approach someone in their own age group who is sick or injured with trepidation–that could be me.
YES IT COULD. But go over there and provide what you can, because the next time it might be you asking for help. Take care.
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Well said! Long illnesses and recoveries take time. Often only one visit or call at the onset is not enough!
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I like all of your suggestions and try to do them. Listening is a great gift to give injured people, instead of offering lots of advice or talking too much.
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Yes Terra. Many wonder what to say to an ill or injured friend, when what they really need is your concern and good listening skills.
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