That is how I like to see my life now. Growing up with a strong German emphasis, I learned to measure myself by my daily productivity. What had I produced today? Being a good girl back then meant never feeling adequate, always trying harder to achieve some illusive sense of “good enough.”
“What’s this? One B along with all of these nice A’s?”
As strange as it may seem, it was only through a number of difficult crises in my late forties that I found ways to transform myself and my life. Bad marriage, divorce, job and then career loss, you get the picture. I spent some serious time living on severance and unemployment, changing my whole perspective on me. “Good girl” hadn’t worked out. What’s next?
I began a full out rebellion at age 49! I became a writer at age 50, after 25 years of not saying what I needed to and not getting what I wanted as a good girl/ mild-mannered librarian. I stopped saying all the right things while agreeing with everybody. Mostly I stopped apologizing for being me.
In other words, I started a blog!
I learned to take care of my needs first, with no guilt or shame, and create what I wanted for me. My life has been so much better since I made that decision, and it just keeps getting BETTER!
Today I follow my passions with color, creativity, and nature. We moved to rural Colorado three years ago with no rules about what we have to do today. I live with a man who accepts me exactly the way I am, without conditions, and I find it almost impossible to take crap from just about anybody anymore.
Yeah! Wasn’t our mother supposed to teach us this instead of turning us into such helper bees? Why did I type that paper for my boyfriend in college???
You’re inspiring. Looking forward to reading more.
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Thanks Leah! I do what I can to inspire change in midlife…
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I love this! So many of us seem to learn to focus on our needs and ignore others judgement later on in our life…if only we had learned sooner!
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Yeah! Wasn’t our mother supposed to teach us this instead of turning us into such helper bees? Why did I type that paper for my boyfriend in college???
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