Author: Laura Lee Carter
Bring me a higher midlife love!
Once there was a sad woman deep into a midlife depression. She had completely given up on trusting others. Nothing in her past had encouraged her to take the kinds of risks that would be required to find true love at age 49, and yet she had come to the conclusion that she would only want to go on if she could believe in love again. After she got a divorce from her unloving partner and then lost her job and career, she figured, what did she have to lose? Why not open a local matchmaking business where she would meet directly with others who were older and disillusioned with love, so she did. After she had attracted a nice group she threw a Summer Solstice party in her backyard and dances around town.
It was fun meeting with others and talking about love. She learned so much from these willing participants in her midlife love experiment. She grew to love her female members and wanted more for them. There just weren’t enough men to match with her women, so she came up with the scheme to use herself as “bait” on Match.com. She figured to would create a very broad profile to attract more positive, loving older men to meet with her members. Perhaps there was still a chance to find love in midlife!
One day she was driving around and she heard a song on the radio. This song was the perfect upbeat expression of her fondest dream, “Higher Love” by Steve Winwood. It was a transformational moment for her. She was finally finding new faith in love! She went to buy that CD. She had her new theme song! This song best expressed the positive future she could envision for herself.
You’ve got to have a dream. If you don’t have a dream, how are you going to have a dream come true?
The first man she met through her Match.com profile walked into her living room with a big bouquet, shiny gray green eyes and a lovely smile. He called himself “Tall guy” on Match and yes, he was truly one tall glass of water for my dehydrated soul. We spent the next ten hours talking and talking. I couldn’t believe how many experiences we had in common! Finally someone I could trust, but it would take quite a while…
Fast forward to today, over sixteen years later. Mike and I now live in the foothills of the Sangre de Cristo mountains in our wonderful solar home with amazing views. This home is so full of love!
I just found the perfect name for our home on the edge of the Sangre de Cristo mountains!
Can you trust your own inner wisdom and finally get where you want to go this time? I say yes! To learn more, check out my book:
How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom
The advantages of brain injury (Say what?)
Since my fate seems to be living with some fairly serious brain problems, I have been searching lately for the bright side of this apparently grim future I face. Some might find this attitude pathologically optimistic, but what the heck! If you can’t change it, why not go in search of the bright side?
First of all, I feel so just plain lucky to be living in this beautiful place with my loving little family, who understand endlessly my occasional forgetfulness, confusion and regular fatigue. My pup Rasta is especially sympathetic as he’s pushing 13 himself and can’t hear, can barely see or smell. He spends most of his days either sleeping or looking for a warm lap.
I have always run my mind a hundred miles an hour as a general rule, but not now. I tend to get busy early in the morning and wear out around ten or eleven. Then, for a change, I can be patient with myself… sometimes. I can settle down and meditate restfully for a while because I really cannot do anything else. I can now shut off my mind easier and just cruise mentally. I’m slowly learning my limits and now I try to only focus on one thing at a time.
Only so much brain space means less worrying and a lot less fear of death. Why? Because I have experienced hours of unconsciousness at this point and it isn’t such a bad thing. My mind simply shuts down with too much stimulation, and that limit is easy to reach. I have always enjoyed one-on-one conversations in my past, now that’s about all I can tolerate or enjoy. I enjoy focusing fully on others, just for shorter periods of time. After a nice talk with a friend, I love spacing out alone and contemplating our conversation. In fact I enjoy contemplating everything more.
I notice some of my senses are now heightened. My love of music, colors, and tastes are much more intense. I guess this is a function of where my head injuries were. Mine have been equal opportunity injuries both on the back and the sides of my brain.
Again I come back to one of my favorite quotes about the changes we may go through as we age:
“…we all know how this ends, so rushing through life is senseless. As our inner life grows ever more luminous, the chatter of the speed-and-greed world slowly fades, leaving us with greater peace, tranquility, quiet and contentment.” — Arthur Rosenfeld
Before & After Photos of My High Country Garden In Southern Colorado!
This post is about transforming this sad, dry piece of ground in March of 2018 …
to this in three years.
Luckily I had Mike and my brother John to do the heavy lifting, but they helped a lot with the vision and design too. The process of this transformation had a life of its own really. We would do one wall and then that would lead to thoughts about other transformations. Why did we use gravel? Because that’s all we could get around here 🙂
When we started out I had no idea what we could create, but we just keep at it and it continues to improve, especially with the native voluntaries coming in more each year. We get more Blue Mist Spirea mini-bushes each year, more early purple penstemons, and these lovely little lupines in June.
I am so pleased that this Colorado Four O’Clock (Mirabilis multiflora) decided to bloom in my garden!
And of course the endless native sunflowers…
I finally named my garden after my brother who knows so much about gardening and is so willing to do the hard work it takes to make it GROW! Ask the critters, the birds, the bees, the bunnies, the beetles, the hummingbirds, and the salamanders (lizards?) if life is better with us around. We aim to please…
The brief but colorful story of my garden below the Spanish Peaks in southern Colorado!
American drinking: Do you drink to feel good, or to take the edge off of feeling bad?
“From 1999 to 2017, the number of alcohol-related deaths in the United States doubled, to more than 70,000 a year—making alcohol one of the leading drivers of the decline in American life expectancy…” — “Alcohol-related deaths increasing in the United States” by the National Institutes of Health, January 2020
“The damage done by alcohol is profound: impaired cognition and motor skills, belligerence, injury, and vulnerability to all sorts of predation in the short run; damaged livers and brains, dysfunction, addiction, and early death as years of heavy drinking pile up.” — “Drinking Too Much in America” in The Atlantic
I was raised by two serious alcohol drinkers. I have always wondered if my Mom’s tendency to drink to deal with her anxiety and depression led to breast cancer at an early age. Her brother died of alcoholism. I admit it, after watching my parents drink so much, I developed an aversion to that level of intoxication. I have never found it attractive or funny, perhaps partially because I don’t get drunk, I just fall asleep.
As a part of my counseling training, we spent time learning about alcoholism and addiction. At the first meeting I raised my hand and said, “I only have one question. I cannot get drunk, I fall asleep instead. Why is that?” There I learned exactly how genetic alcohol addiction is. Certain genetic groups can tolerate far higher levels of alcohol and therefore can drink more to achieve intoxication. The normal response to alcohol, which is a depressant, is tiredness and sleep.
Yes, I know. Some of us now us THC products to deal with anxiety and depression. I am one of them, and I see no reason to argue about which is better for you. But I would argue that THC kills a lot less Americans than alcohol, and yet drinking is also one of our favorite topics to joke about. To me, alcohol addiction is not funny. It’s deadly to both the alcoholic and those around them, especially on the highway.
Studying addiction and counseling was my first choice as a new college kid at Colorado College. But then the discussion always comes up, do you have to be a addict to help addicts? I still have no answer to that one except to say few of us aren’t addicted to something, even if it’s sugar, salt or something else. That’s how our brains work.
This fascinating article looks at why we drink as an evolutionary adaptation to stress, and why American drinking has increased quite a bit, especially since 9/11: The Atlantic: “Drinking Too Much In America”
Are you looking for some new summer sandals?
If so, I LOVE the ones I just ordered from Orthofeet! They are attractive, extremely comfortable and fit perfect!
They have great customer service too. I ordered the wrong color at first and they were so helpful immediately, over Memorial Day weekend! Finally a company who seems to really care about their customers! I got these and I’m so glad I did. They cost more than companies like Skechers, but you can feel the difference! Every part is adjustable, even the arch can be raised up, also quite sturdy!
This is not a sponsored post, I just love them!
Adventures of the NEW??? Old Farts 