mindfulness

Purpose is highly overrated

/ Laura Lee Carter / 1 Comment

I was raised by a father who was full of purpose. Let’s face it, most previous generations thought the only reason they were here was to find their special purpose (Thanks Steve Martin in The Jerk!) I also used to think that meaning and purpose were important to find. But today, not so much.

Do you realize how many memes you can find if you search under “purpose” and then “images”?  There are thousands! But one that particularly struck me was:

To be here now is your true purpose!

Needless to say, retirement can bring up all sorts of questions about previous and present purpose. In the past my purpose was apparently to go to work and do my job. Regardless of how I felt about it, going to work did give me something to do with myself. I felt useful most of the time.

With retirement I have so much more time to think about purpose, and I have come to the conclusion that most of what we do everyday has little meaning unless it makes us feel good about ourselves.

Now I choose to error on the side of passion over purpose. I know for certain that nothing I will do today will change the world. Few will miss me when I’m gone, so why not choose a few pastimes that provide pure joy for me right now and indulge?

My favorite at present is playing in my small and windy garden…We should have hundreds of native sunflowers blooming soon! We got 4 inches of rain this May!

Don’t look back, you can never look back…

/ Laura Lee Carter / 4 Comments

sexagenarian joke by Gracie AllenAs a sexagenarian (great name for our sixties, huh?) I have entered into a period of being in the present in such a lovely, positive, relaxing way. This feels somehow like my reward for living life fully, to do what I want and answer to nobody.

imgp5472

Something about living in an amazing natural place keeps me present most of the time, so much so that I rarely want to leave. I find nature so grounding.

But, as a therapist, I would like to make the case for paying attention to those moments in your past that you simply cannot let go, those moments that come up in your dreams and demand more psychic attention. I know that if I had not gone through a divorce and job loss in my late 40s and then decided to re-think my life, I would not be so content today.

past better not bitterPart of that process for me was contacting a key person from my past for a few astonishingly healing and cathartic conversations. Only you can decide whether letting your past go is possible and healing, or doing something in the present will expedite your movement into a better present and future. In my case I was quite lucky, because the lover from my past was also seeking redemption and healing. I don’t think any other choice would have provided that kind of healing for both of us. The whole experience felt like a blessing.

How to Believe in Love Again!Sometimes the only way to move on is to take note of what you simply cannot let go of in your past. I would not know about this without experiencing it personally. To learn more about psychic healing and how it can help you believe in love again, I offer you my book: How to Believe in Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom.                      Please do not purchase my books through Amazon. I receive nothing from them. Just send me an e-mail at: MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com to request a copy.        I promise you a great price!

Easy Rider: The view from 62

/ Laura Lee Carter / Leave a comment

I was 14 years old when “Easy Rider” came out. I decided to see it again this week. So glad I did, if only for the music!

Wikipedia describes it as a 1969 American road movie written by Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, and Terry Southern, produced by Fonda and directed by Hopper. It tells the story of two bikers (played by Fonda and Hopper) who travel through the American Southwest and South after selling a large score of cocaine. The success of Easy Rider helped spark the New Hollywood era of film making during the early 1970s. The film was added to the Library of Congress National Film Registry in 1998, a landmark counterculture film and a “touchstone for a generation.” Easy Rider explores the societal landscape, issues, and tensions in the United States during the 1960s, such as the rise of the hippie movement, drug use, and communal lifestyle.

DSCF0689

Although I know this film hasn’t changed in 48 years, watching it showed me how much I have changed, and most of my changes have taken place since moving to rural Colorado. For example, when the riders pick up a hippie on the way to a commune, they eventually ask him where he’s from. His answer is simple and so true: “A city.” When pressed for more he says it doesn’t really matter what city, because cities have the same effect on us as people. I so agree now. And if you don’t, I challenge you to move to the country for a few years. Then we’ll talk.

I have also learned a lot about my biases and judgments of people I don’t know. For some reason, moving here has lightened my load of judgments on those who don’t look like me. I know in ‘Easy Rider’ the country people in the south hate hippie-types. There’s a great line in there from George, the local drunk played wonderfully by Jack Nicholson, who tags along with them on their journey to New Orleans. He says many just don’t appreciate the freedom these two bikers represent. When they see it they want to kill it. Nice foreshadowing.

My brother John and Mike in our developing sky garden last May…

Mike rode a Gold Wing when I first met him. Before I fell in love with him 12 years ago, I judged those who rode motorcycles, especially if they had a tattoo. When I first set eyes on Mike I thought, oh no, he has a tattoo. My next thought was but it’s nice dragon! So much for that judgment… I have learned quite a bit about how to experience true personal freedom by living with Mike and by moving away from cities.

How do we benefit from judging ourselves and others? We don’t.

Enjoy my new personal journey about this transition from city to country living…

Rent-a-Friend, Slow TV & Country Living

/ Laura Lee Carter / 1 Comment

What an interesting array of new ideas this past week! From Japan we have “Rent-a Friend” or family member… Apparently some Japanese can be so obsessed with appearances that they actually rent human stand-ins for various get-togethers. But don’t scoff too soon at this idea, because apparently it is also taking off in our own country! Hell, it may be a great idea for those new to foreign countries…like NYC. For the Japanese, who feel uncomfortable borrowing things, rentals seem more honest. They even have substitute therapists, untrained people who will listen to you complain about your life for only $10/hour!

train rideIn contrast, Norway has recently discovered the popularity of slow television, or “slow TV” (Norwegian: Sakte-TV), popularized in the 2000s by the Norwegian Broadcasting Corporation (NRK), beginning with the broadcast of a 7-hour train journey in 2009. This live “marathon” television coverage of an ordinary event in its complete length, generally last many hours or even days.

OK now I have a unique and perhaps revolutionary idea. Why don’t you spend the time and energy to make your own hand-picked friend. Imagine how much more satisfying that might be. Or, if you prefer a slower paced life, go find it! Since moving to the country I completely understand the appeal of slow TV, except mine is called ‘slow scenery’ and I stare at it all day long.

IMGP5820From daybreak…

imgp5537to sunset, it changes constantly, and sometimes offers up the most amazing images!

And I have even collected over the decades some of the most perfect music to go along with this tremendous lifestyle. This morning I had to listen to Jesse Colin Young’s song “Ridgetop.” A great description of where we live now. That and “Country Home” work for me!

laura-rasta-xmas-2012-croppedI’m new here in rural southern Colorado.  After two years I decided to compile a short journal about the ups and downs of moving from a good-sized city to rural America to build a passive solar retirement home:  A Memoir of Retirement: From Suburbia to Solar in Southern Colorado

Let’s work around Amazon (the evil empire!) and make certain authors get paid for their books!           Please contact me directly to order your own signed copies of any of my books!  Cheers, Laura Lee  (email me: MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com)

On living life too carefully…

/ Laura Lee Carter / 3 Comments

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.”  — Anne Lamott

Right Anne, like anybody’s perfect, but oh how I tried for decades. How crazy was I? Straight A’s in school, the best student in the world, pressure, pressure, pressure. Heck, I didn’t become a writer for most of my life because I figured I wasn’t perfect enough yet. Three graduate degrees later I finally, SLOWLY figured out that Anne was right the whole time. Now I am eminently imperfect, and I have so much more fun!

After we moved here I wondered about how honest I should be about exactly how unfriendly some folks were here. I was actually blown away by how badly some acted, even therapists! I assumed that people are naturally friendly in small towns or out in the country…WRONG!

Lots of folks move here BECAUSE of their anti-social personalities. Duh!

It was only later in life that I realized that I own my own stories, all of them. My most valued possessions are my own stories and how I survived them, every one of them!

My first book was the result of this realization. I had already sold a few of my essays to editors who were putting together anthologies on midlife change back in 2008. I had almost completed the sell of the story of my own divorce to appear in the Seal Press book: “Ask Me About Divorce,” when I realized I should be making more money on my own stories! That is how Midlife Magic: Becoming The Person YOU are Inside came to be. And I can assure you I made much more on my book than the $100 the Seal Press was offering!

From this and so much other risk-taking behavior, which emerged after I stopped trying to be ‘perfect’, I learned the joy of simply being me. And come to find out, I enjoyed the real me so much more than that nervous perfectionist!

Being uniquely me helped me find true love at age 49 too!

mike-laura-wedding-picture (2)

“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go…”  -T.S. Eliot

After two years I decided to compile a short journal about the ups and downs of moving from Fort Collins CO to some rural land where we built a passive solar home. Please enjoy my memoir:  A Memoir of Retirement: From Suburbia to Solar in Southern Colorado

“Freedom of the press is only available to those who own one” and now, I do!

In Praise of Natural Sounds and Night Skies

/ Laura Lee Carter / Leave a comment

“The joy of listening to the quiet symphony of nature and the wonderment of seeing the Milky Way stretching overhead are unique experiences that can still be found in many of our national parks.”   — Natural Sounds and Night Skies Division, NPS

IMGP5820

I was so pleased to discover this week that our National Park Service maintains a Natural Sounds and Night Skies Division. These are a few of the joys I have discovered and begun to fully appreciate only by moving away from cities. By living rural I can finally hear the great animal orchestra composed by nature, and look up to find some of the last remaining harbors of natural darkness in our country.

IMGP6003

Now that I know, I wish to preserve and provide opportunities for everyone to experience this critical resource.

To learn more, go view this CBS video: Recording the Sounds of Nature’s Quietest Places