Mike needed a neck surgery on Wednesday, an anterior cervical discectomy and fusion (ACDF). The moment I left him in pre-op, I burst into tears and could not stop worrying and crying for the rest of the day. I had no idea what was going on inside of me. The problem with all that crying is that when you’re on a oxygen tube, you cannot breathe when you’re crying. After Mike was transferred to a hospital room, the nurses at one point came rushing in to help me because of my own coughing and breathing problems. I just told them I wasn’t going to die and they turned back to Mike’s needs.

Up until now I thought I knew what a “nervous breakdown” was and had experienced them a few times before. But this was so much more overwhelming! Eventually I realized that this reaction wasn’t because of Mike’s surgery. He was doing fine. I believe it was because of the loss of my Mom about a month ago. I think I had been trying not to feel how much I loved and missed her, and it finally all came spilling out uncontrollably and in a public place of course.

Just negotiating the hospital halls was a challenge, and whenever others showed the tiniest amount of care and concern, I cried even harder… I wanted my mama!

So yes, it is possible to be 69 years old and cry uncontrollably for your mother. I am living proof.