Last night I had a strange thought: What if we had been able to magically walk into our present home and living situation without having to create it from scratch? I’m certain now I wouldn’t have believed it, but it would have been so reassuring to me! I see now I had far too little faith in my husband’s power to create what we have created here out of one big dusty lot. Talk about a difference in visualizing and believing in our power to manifest it!
As I meet others who move down here to create new lives for themselves, I am constantly reminded of my own trials and tribulations when we first decided to move here to build our passive solar home over seven years ago.
When we first moved into a rented dirty, dumpy 100-year-old miner’s home in Walsenburg in 2014, I was simply depressed. All I could think about was:
“How long was this going to take? Would it be as nice as we hoped? Was this a good idea or not?
First we had the slab, which took months to get approved and created properly for passive solar…
I had no idea how much work it is to create a home from scratch, even if you don’t actually build it… A million trips to Pueblo’s Home Depot and Lowe’s, 5 million decisions just about every day for a year or so, not to mention arguments with the builder about so many things, especially when is this house going to be done? I learned that the builders own your home until they leave!
But we kept at it through just about every obstacle imaginable until one day we had this…
When we finally moved in on the 1st of August 2015 we were practically paralyzed with the feat we had just completed! Did that really happen? Is this really where we live now? There were still a million little details to work out, like the smoke detector that went off at 4 in the morning soon after we moved in, but we were home at last!
I couldn’t wait to get started on my new foothills garden, which also took a few years to develop… June 2019
Want to learn more about this kind of experience? I kept a journal leading up to our move from the suburbs of Fort Collins, to a three acre lot west of Walsenburg Colorado. Our new home is passive solar and this journal covers the full construction process as well as our thoughts after we moved in. My memoir is available on Amazon or just contact me directly if you wish to buy a signed copy from the author herself! — MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com
This past week was one of the saddest of my entire life. I felt so bad for my Mom as she watched her most valued lifetime possessions walk out of her door. She then moved from a patio home to a small apartment in assisted living. Unmitigated pain. Moving from a patio home to assisted living meant flunking at life, at least that’s how my Mom felt about it. Failure at age 88. Her dementia has gotten to be too much and so comes the final punishment for living so long.
There was nothing we could say to ease her pain. It was just so sad.
At one point she said to me, “You will never understand how this feels.” And she’s right. Each person’s pain is their own. Only she remembers when she got each piece of furniture and how much it meant to her and my father. Their home was like a museum of their world travels and their many friendships gained along the way. That is now gone as her memories fade.
Sometimes I wonder, why we live if it all ends in death? That is when it strikes me that we are no different than any other animal or plant. We do not choose to be born or choose our death, it just is. The cycle of life and death continues for all living beings.
All I can come up with is to do my best to love my life every day, come rainor shine…
Here at 7,000 feet in southern Colorado, we have had an amazingly wet summer! In the past three months we have received over ten inchesof rain! Even yesterday I thought we got nothing, and then this morning I went out and found .14 in the rain gauge! Mother Nature is not disappointing this year!
“Life seems random when you’re young, the wish to travel the result of impulse and curiosity. Meandering is not the exception but the rule. But when you’re older you begin to see that a lifetime has a distinct plot.” -Paul Theroux
Because of my recent new brain injury, I don’t go out a lot. My balance is not good, and my mind wanders quite a bit, never staying on any topic for very long. But the 50th Anniversary edition of Travel & Leisure magazine arrived here this week, helping me focus for a while on the many amazing adventures I have experienced throughout my life.
First I came to an article entitled “50 Trips That Stood The Test of Time.” Since I have been a lifetime sojourner, I wondered which places they would choose as somehow timeless. I was surprised to see how many of these places I visited before they became popular with tourists, places like Beijing, Shanghai, Banff, Bangkok, The Raffles Hotel in Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong long before China took over, Hawaii, Japan, Venice and even Aspen Colorado.
To this list I would add two of my favorite places in China, Xian and Guilin in the south. I will never forget a boat trip I took up the Li River to see the Karst Cliffs around Guilin in the early 1980s. It was a difficult but memorable trip on what I called “The People’s Ferry” up the Pearl River from Guangzhou to Wuzhou in 1984, a trip I learned about in the book China Off The Beaten Trail back then. When we got off the small ferry, the locals crowded around us to stare. I was a little bit afraid, but then a couple PRC government tourist followers stepped up to make certain we made our next connection on the bus to Guilin. At that time Wuzhou was quite a rough and backward looking place, like a town made of mud, and many there had never seen a Westerner before.
I also remember taking the train up through Malaysia from Singapore to Bangkok in the early 1980s. I clearly remember our stay at a very old, frightfully British hotel in Kuala Lumpur, one that has most certainly been torn down by now. The parts I remember are quite curious. I remember the unusual pewter table settings, soup before every dinner, and the old-fashioned Chinese waiters who stood nearby at all times in case we needed something. I remember the sweet tea on the train, filled with evaporated milk, and the vast areas of deforestation along the way, attributable to the expanding rubber industry at that time. But my most favorite and well-remembered place was the island of Penang, a true jewel just off the coast of Malaysia. In 1980 it was not touristy at all. I loved the multicultural feel of everything from the religions to the food! One gigantic curried prawn still sticks firmly in my memory 🙂 Penang is right up there with Venice, two of my favorite places EVER.
That quote at the beginning of this piece comes from a series of reminisces from the before mentioned magazine where well-known writers describe “The Places That Changed Us.” One thing I know for sure, every place I have been changed me. Every place I have lived or just hung out for a day or two, every person I met along the way whether friendly or not, every sight, smell or sound changes us to be more open and accepting of how others choose to interact in their world.
By “winning” a free trip to live in Bangkok in 1973, I was permanently changed. I had never lived in the tropics before or immersed myself in south Asian culture. Everything was new and different to me, starting with the Poinsettia trees outside my door! When I returned to Colorado College a few months later, I found it impossible to describe the totality of my experience to fellow students, telling them that it was a bit like going to the moon. I then switched my college major to Asian studies and pursued my goal until the beauty of that dream died a painful death in my late 20s.
But I have absolutely no regrets about any of my adventures, not even those that ended up being bad for my health. Live and learn! That is all we can do.
Once there was a sad woman deep into a midlife depression. She had completely given up on trusting others. Nothing in her past had encouraged her to take the kinds of risks that would be required to find true love at age 49, and yet she had come to the conclusion that she would only want to go on if she could believe in love again. After she got a divorce from her unloving partner and then lost her job and career, she figured, what did she have to lose? Why not open a local matchmaking business where she would meet directly with others who were older and disillusioned with love, so she did. After she had attracted a nice group she threw a Summer Solstice party in her backyard and dances around town.
It was fun meeting with others and talking about love. She learned so much from these willing participants in her midlife love experiment. She grew to love her female members and wanted more for them. There just weren’t enough men to match with her women, so she came up with the scheme to use herself as “bait” on Match.com. She figured to would create a very broad profile to attract more positive, loving older men to meet with her members. Perhaps there was still a chance to find love in midlife!
One day she was driving around and she heard a song on the radio. This song was the perfect upbeat expression of her fondest dream, “Higher Love” by Steve Winwood. It was a transformational moment for her. She was finally finding new faith in love! She went to buy that CD. She had her new theme song! This song best expressed the positive future she could envision for herself.
You’ve got to have a dream. If you don’t have a dream, how are you going to have a dream come true?
The first man she met through her Match.com profile walked into her living room with a big bouquet, shiny gray green eyes and a lovely smile. He called himself “Tall guy” on Match and yes, he was truly one tall glass of water for my dehydrated soul. We spent the next ten hours talking and talking. I couldn’t believe how many experiences we had in common! Finally someone I could trust, but it would take quite a while…
Fast forward to today, over sixteen years later. Mike and I now live in the foothills of the Sangre de Cristo mountains in our wonderful solar home with amazing views. This home is so full of love!
I just found the perfect name for our home on the edge of the Sangre de Cristo mountains!
Can you trust your own inner wisdom and finally get where you want to go this time? I say yes! To learn more, check out my book: