Bring me a higher midlife love!

Once there was a sad woman deep into a midlife depression. She had completely given up on trusting others. Nothing in her past had encouraged her to take the kinds of risks that would be required to find true love at age 49, and yet she had come to the conclusion that she would only want to go on if she could believe in love again. After she got a divorce from her unloving partner and then lost her job and career, she figured, what did she have to lose? Why not open a local matchmaking business where she would meet directly with others who were older and disillusioned with love, so she did. After she had attracted a nice group she threw a Summer Solstice party in her backyard and dances around town.

It was fun meeting with others and talking about love. She learned so much from these willing participants in her midlife love experiment. She grew to love her female members and wanted more for them. There just weren’t enough men to match with her women, so she came up with the scheme to use herself as “bait” on Match.com. She figured to would create a very broad profile to attract more positive, loving older men to meet with her members. Perhaps there was still a chance to find love in midlife!

One day she was driving around and she heard a song on the radio. This song was the perfect upbeat expression of her fondest dream, “Higher Love” by Steve Winwood. It was a transformational moment for her. She was finally finding new faith in love! She went to buy that CD. She had her new theme song! This song best expressed the positive future she could envision for herself.

You’ve got to have a dream. If you don’t have a dream, how are you going to have a dream come true?

The first man she met through her Match.com profile walked into her living room with a big bouquet, shiny gray green eyes and a lovely smile. He called himself “Tall guy” on Match and yes, he was truly one tall glass of water for my dehydrated soul. We spent the next ten hours talking and talking. I couldn’t believe how many experiences we had in common! Finally someone I could trust, but it would take quite a while…

Fast forward to today, over sixteen years later. Mike and I now live in the foothills of the Sangre de Cristo mountains in our wonderful solar home with amazing views. This home is so full of love!

I just found the perfect name for our home on the edge of the Sangre de Cristo mountains!

Can you trust your own inner wisdom and finally get where you want to go this time? I say yes! To learn more, check out my book:

How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom

The advantages of brain injury (Say what?)

Since my fate seems to be living with some fairly serious brain problems, I have been searching lately for the bright side of this apparently grim future I face. Some might find this attitude pathologically optimistic, but what the heck! If you can’t change it, why not go in search of the bright side?

First of all, I feel so just plain lucky to be living in this beautiful place with my loving little family, who understand endlessly my occasional forgetfulness, confusion and regular fatigue. My pup Rasta is especially sympathetic as he’s pushing 13 himself and can’t hear, can barely see or smell. He spends most of his days either sleeping or looking for a warm lap.

I have always run my mind a hundred miles an hour as a general rule, but not now. I tend to get busy early in the morning and wear out around ten or eleven. Then, for a change, I can be patient with myself… sometimes. I can settle down and meditate restfully for a while because I really cannot do anything else. I can now shut off my mind easier and just cruise mentally. I’m slowly learning my limits and now I try to only focus on one thing at a time.

Only so much brain space means less worrying and a lot less fear of death. Why? Because I have experienced hours of unconsciousness at this point and it isn’t such a bad thing. My mind simply shuts down with too much stimulation, and that limit is easy to reach. I have always enjoyed one-on-one conversations in my past, now that’s about all I can tolerate or enjoy. I enjoy focusing fully on others, just for shorter periods of time. After a nice talk with a friend, I love spacing out alone and contemplating our conversation. In fact I enjoy contemplating everything more.

I notice some of my senses are now heightened. My love of music, colors, and tastes are much more intense. I guess this is a function of where my head injuries were. Mine have been equal opportunity injuries both on the back and the sides of my brain.

Again I come back to one of my favorite quotes about the changes we may go through as we age:

“…we all know how this ends, so rushing through life is senseless. As our inner life grows ever more luminous, the chatter of the speed-and-greed world slowly fades, leaving us with greater peace, tranquility, quiet and contentment.” — Arthur Rosenfeld

Before & After Photos of My High Country Garden In Southern Colorado!

This post is about transforming this sad, dry piece of ground in March of 2018 …

to this in three years.

March 2018 — The secret was in the terracing and hardscaping at first.
JULY 2021
John relaxing after work

Luckily I had Mike and my brother John to do the heavy lifting, but they helped a lot with the vision and design too. The process of this transformation had a life of its own really. We would do one wall and then that would lead to thoughts about other transformations. Why did we use gravel? Because that’s all we could get around here 🙂

When we started out I had no idea what we could create, but we just keep at it and it continues to improve, especially with the native voluntaries coming in more each year. We get more Blue Mist Spirea mini-bushes each year, more early purple penstemons, and these lovely little lupines in June.

I am so pleased that this Colorado Four O’Clock (Mirabilis multiflora) decided to bloom in my garden!

And of course the endless native sunflowers…

I finally named my garden after my brother who knows so much about gardening and is so willing to do the hard work it takes to make it GROW! Ask the critters, the birds, the bees, the bunnies, the beetles, the hummingbirds, and the salamanders (lizards?) if life is better with us around. We aim to please…

The brief but colorful story of my garden below the Spanish Peaks in southern Colorado!

Early bloomers in my high country garden!

I was astounded to find my tiny high country irises blooming today in my garden at 7,000 feet! Their leaves are only six or seven inches tall, but the flowers are fantastic!

I got these from Perennial Favorites near Rye Colorado a couple years ago. They specialized in offering high country species. So sorry they decided to close and retire, but these are the gift that keeps on giving!

My earliest bloomer is a type of creeping thyme that takes a few years to get going, but then it takes off! It’s been blooming for at least a week now, even through the snow!

Yesterday I got my brother John up here to help me weed and plant some new plants. He loves working outside with his hands. He’s a self-identified “dirt guy.” If you’re nice he might work for you too!

My garden didn’t look like much back in May 2017…

But this year should be GREAT!

I’ll keep you posted on the new flowers in my garden as they bloom!

OH, I forgot to mention…I actually witnessed some Rocky Mountain Bluebird sex yesterday! Babies to follow!

UNBELIEVEABLE! I just caught a hummingbird on a penstemon flower right outside my door!

Re-thinking your dreams

In the past year or so, in times of pandemic and forced introspection, those are the best times to re-think your dreams. I meet many down here in rural southern Colorado, who ended up here because in their 50s or 60s they spent some time reviewing their life, and decided that they were finished with cities.

I have found this place to be a magical alternative to city life.

My husband Mike had been dreaming about just such an existence for decades when we moved here in 2014. I was a bit further behind him in dreaming big enough. I couldn’t visualize it like he could. I worried about the isolation. I had never lived so far out of town in my past. It was a new experience for me. But it didn’t take me long to appreciate the morning silence, the birds, the plants, the beautiful weather, the snow…

Only certain types of people appreciate these qualities, mostly the quiet types who find it easy to entertain themselves with numerous avocations. I was never a big shopper. I didn’t go to bars or restaurants much. I have always found my own mind fairly entertaining with the assistance of books, movies, etc. And we are total weather watchers.

Watching the ever-changing clouds and weather over the Spanish Peaks is a lovely pastime.

So you see, the kind of people who move here and stay are very self-selected. They have chosen to check out of “normal” American life, where buying the next cool thing is their goal.

Not that we aren’t always re-thinking our dreams, and we know we have the freedom to follow new ones here.

What does “new age” even mean?

I enjoy listening to a music channel on Direct TV named “New Age.” That got me thinking, what does “new age” even mean? The first person to coin the term was Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, cofounder of the Theosophical Society, in the late 19th century. She announced a coming New Age as a form of Western esotericism, but the term “New Age” has antecedents that stretch back to southern Europe in Late Antiquity. Following the Age of Enlightenment in 18th century Europe, new esoteric ideas developed in response to the development of scientific rationality. What is “esotericism”?

Esotericism is the state or quality of being esoteric—obscure and only understood or intended to be understood by a small number of people with special (and perhaps secret) knowledge.

Skipping forward to the Baby Boomers, the “New Age” burst into public consciousness in a buzz of media attention around crystals, chakras, reincarnation, and channeling in the 1980s, but had its immediate roots in the 1960s counterculture. “New age spirituality” is actually a descriptive category in religious studies, appropriated by practitioners of a kind of spirituality that sprang up in the 1960s and 1970s, especially in the USA and Britain.

So then, what is spirituality? One definition is that it involves the recognition of a feeling or sense or belief that there is something greater than yourself, something more to being human than pure sensory experience. That greater whole is cosmic or divine in nature. An opening of the heart is an essential aspect of being spiritual.

An open heart is a state of being where you feel open, accepting and expansive. Love flows through you without obstruction. Many long to experience an open heart, but at times we may feel too scared and vulnerable to reveal ourselves in this way, especially to ourselves.

This reminds me of a special meditation taught at Naropa Institute (now University) in Boulder Colorado, where I studied for my masters in Transpersonal Psychology and Counseling. At that time, meditation was an important part of my training, and one meditation was to open your heart to all of the pain in this world at this minute. Quite the challenge. Feeling compassion for the entire world of suffering is life changing, so is feeling complete compassion for your Self in this moment. If you were raised like me, to feel no compassion for your own struggles, but simply demand more from yourself forever, compassion is the medicine you need right now.

To me, New Age means a new way of seeing and experiencing the world in contrast to our parents and grandparents. It is a unique opportunity to see and love the world and your Self wholeheartedly. Your upbringing will determine how difficult that may be for you.

“Here’s what is truly at the heart of WHOLEHEARTEDNESS: Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.” — Brene Brown