midlife change

Best Boomer Bloggers: Fall 2017 Edition

/ Laura Lee Carter / 4 Comments

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Wow, autumn really crept up on me this year! One day it was summer and then boom, it was fall, and most of the beautiful leaves were almost gone! I’m not sure how that happened. It must be that whole time flies as we get older thing. Is everybody ready for winter, because it is just around the corner. We already had our first hard frost a couple weeks ago here at 7,000 feet in Colorado, and Oktoberfest is long over. It must be time for me to host another edition of the Best of Boomer Blogs!

First I would like to welcome a new member to our group. Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski. Rebecca sees herself as “a purveyor of all things fun and a die-hard foodie. I love to travel and write from anywhere on the planet I happen to land, even if it’s my own backyard in Los Angeles. One of my favorite areas of the world to travel are the historic cities and countrysides of Europe.” For her first presentation here, from her blog BabyBoomster.com she says:

Taking care of our vision over 50 is particularly important even if you don’t wear glasses or contacts. There are hidden diseases that are age-related that can easily be prevented. I include products and services to keep your eyes healthy and bright.

Next up, Meryl is worried that she might be impacting Broadway. I’ll let her explain: A minor problem Meryl Baer of Six Decades and Counting faced this past week, made her think there might be something wrong with her. Could she have bad karma? She’s not sure what that is, but she might have it. Read about her dilemma in Bad Karma?

Dont respond tonegative people.

Carol Cassara, over at Heart Mind Soul, noticed a different kind of stress this week: Sometimes social media can create more stress than we might have ever imagined. Part of that stress is our tendency to want to respond to every comment, every post that rings our chimes. Carol Cassara has a great suggestion for making life more peaceful.

On The Survive and Thrive Boomer Guide, Rita R. Robison, consumer journalist, writes about the importance of getting your medications checked each year. Although Oct. 21, was “Check Your Meds’ Day,” it’s important to take all of your medications – including prescription and over-the-counter medication, plus vitamins and other dietary supplements – to a pharmacist or physician for a “brown-bag” review. That allows them to check for potential harmful drug interactions and possibly eliminate unnecessary drugs.

keep calm and enjoy retirementFellow blogger Tom Sightings says, sometimes retirement doesn’t play out exactly the way we envisioned when we were younger. Retirement is a destination, but it is also a journey, and with any journey it makes sense to stop and review where we’ve been and where we’re going. So check out Tom’s 5 Questions to Ask Yourself After You Retire.  Go see if you’re on track to realize your own retirement dreams.

Now for a word from our sponsor:

I have been struggling lately with various expected and unexpected problems. As it turns out, even when you are happily retired, the problems just keep coming!

amazing sunrise on Comanche Drive

Luckily the beautiful sunrises and sunsets keep coming too…

 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

/ Laura Lee Carter / 12 Comments

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The past two weeks have been filled with disappointment, anger and misery for me. First I learned that the main distributor of my books is ripping me off, then I learned how desperate our president is to remove our access to affordable health care, and then I got really sick. It seems “the system” can get you wherever you are, and my bad times seem to always come in threes.

I’ve written enough about the Amazon situation, and my printer informs me that it “appears to be under investigation by Amazon.” Please just work through me to purchase my books and leave them out of the equation!

On the access to affordable health care front, I need to say that Obama’s plan has been lifesaving for us. Since neither one of us is fit for employment, and we aren’t yet 65, we have found a plan in the past few years that at least tries to keep our premiums at a reasonable rate. We are limping along until age 65. Now we have to wonder why our government is acting so hateful towards a couple of elder Americans who have worked hard all our lives, and just need a little bit of help to make it into Medicare. Mike’s problems are most certainly related to his nine years in the Navy, but (of course) the Navy kept no records of his exposure to a number of toxic chemicals and radiation. No records equals no VA assistance. It’s a long story. You don’t want to hear it…

Me, I just struggle to breathe, plus a number of brain injuries. Then last week I caught a really NASTY bug. I knew within days that this wasn’t just your standard food poisoning. It felt much more virulent and toxic. Come to find out it was C Diff. Stay away from this one, although you really can’t because it’s everywhere! This disease has pretty much controlled my life for the past 12 days. I guess my immune system isn’t as strong as it used to be.

 Isn’t it strange but interesting how severe illness can make you think? For some reason lying in bed feeling crappy makes me think a lot about my life. Then I watched a fascinating movie on this topic. “The Hero” is the thinking person’s film about facing your own death. Sam Elliott plays a 70+ actor who receives a terminal diagnosis. The entire film is about how he deals with it. I love Sam Elliott and his willingness to tackle tough topics in a realistic way! One critic called this film “cinematic zen.” I agree.

None of us get out of this alive and I have decided to get comfortable with that fact sooner rather than later.

Making new friends by writing books

/ Laura Lee Carter / 3 Comments

One year ago I struggled with the decision to publish my fourth book. The upfront costs to me include new book formatting fees (at least $100), new book fees and proof costs through Ingram’s Lightning Source ($105) for POD “print-on-demand”, plus the cost of ordering copies at a reduced price to sell locally ($100+). I hesitated with this decision because I had no certainty of big sales, considering the small market I might have for a local personal memoir.

writing penI started writing and publishing books back in 2008. This has been a generally positive experience for me, but things have certainly changed recently. The full extent of these changes was revealed to me in this past month by one of my new readers. She was excited about purchasing my book, because she had just bought a home near here. She contacted me through e-mail and reported back to me what she had paid for a “NEW” copy of my book on Amazon. She even shared her invoice with me. From this I could easily see that the book she had purchased was not POD and not new, meaning that neither my printer or I would be reimbursed for this purchase.

Click here to find out Amazon’s new and evil ways to rip off authors.

thank youBut amazingly enough, there has been a silver lining for me in all of these disturbing discoveries. I have started building some great relationships with my readers! I have discovered that they are truly on my side against the big, bad book industry. That reader who shared her invoice with me, returned her book this week and ordered a “fair trade” copy directly from me. I am slowly convincing other readers to buy only from me, instead of buying “fake new” or used copies where the author receives nothing from the sale. 

If nothing else, this movement has renewed my faith in the generosity and thoughtfulness of my readers. They seem to enjoy having a personal relationship with me as a fellow human being, instead of the harsh, impersonal experience of ordering a book from a multinational corporation. And, BTW, I have made back my investment in my new memoir, but only by working directly with my readers. 

I started sharing my e-mail address online over a year ago, because I love hearing from readers or potential readers. I’ve also learned how much fun it is to work directly with you! Contrary to what you might think, I love to hear from you! Ask me about my books and how I ended up crowning myself the “Midlife Crisis Queen.” Learn from the mistakes I made when I lost my job at age 49. See why I developed such a strong interest in midlife psychology. Tell me what you are trying to learn in your own life, and I will tell you if I can help.

Reading and books are always about relationships and I love building new ones!

E-mail: MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com

Midlife: So many positive options!

/ Laura Lee Carter / 3 Comments

It seems everywhere I turn these days, I see midlifers complaining about their lives. Case in point, the new movie “Brad’s Status.” In this film Ben Stiller stars as 47-year-old Brad. He lies in bed at night comparing his boring suburban life to the lives of his successful college friends. While he’s struggling to run a small non-profit, they’re jetting around the world, writing books, and spending early retirement in Hawaii. Everyone is living the good life, at least in Brad’s imagination.

If this doesn’t define modern midlife crisis, I don’t know what does! Yep, that was me back in 2004, at age 49, feeling utterly stuck in loserville. The point is I was not permanently stuck there. Since I was single, unemployed and on severance, I spent a few months studying my situation, while always focusing on this:

If you could have, do or be anything right now, what would it be?  

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That is how I ended up crowning myself the “Midlife Crisis Queen.” First I grieved how little I had to show for my life, then I began changing EVERYTHING. After deciding my top priority was finding love for once in this lifetime, he turned up at my door. Here’s how:  How To Believe in Love Again. 

Then I changed careers so I could spread the word about how midlife works. I figured after 25 years as an academic librarian, I could do this. The result:

Find Your Reason To Be Here: The Search For Meaning in Midlife

Carl Jung another we do not know

It is strange to me how few midlife sufferers are looking for workable solutions. Because, as far as I’m concerned, there are real solutions just waiting for you to pursue. The research is there. You are not the first person to experience this in your 40s or 50s. It happened to Carl Jung and Erik Erikson, and you can be sure they didn’t sit around on their hands accepting it…

Jung what I choose to becomeAre you really so special or lazy that you won’t even try to help yourself feel better? Previous generations also felt this way. Some gave up, others learned new ways to cope. At this point I can only assume some of you prefer suffering to pursuing enlightenment.

Is your antidepressant DEPRESSING YOU? Personal freedom on my mind…

/ Laura Lee Carter / 6 Comments

paxil tabsIt has now been over a month since I cut way back on my Paxil prescription. I’m below 5 mgs. and feeling great. I have seen a few gigantic changes so far, the best one being I feel so much more like my old self, lighthearted and more energetic. I have also started losing weight. I did not know these drugs could impact so many aspects of mind & body.

On Paxil I felt dumbed down, mentally numb, drowsy, dizzy, irritable, impulsive (in an eating too much way!), with new memory and balance problems. I even felt depressed, which I don’t usually feel.

Getting off Paxil is a bit like waking up to my true self again. I feel so much more alive, with more energy and creativity. I already have a few different projects started. In other words, I feel renewed! Yes I still have memory problems from my brain injuries, but they’re not being made worse by drug fogginess. Who knew?

I decided to fire my doctor over this one! She told me nothing about this drug before I started it a few years ago. I’m not even sure she knew about the terrible side effects and major difficulties of getting off Paxil once you’re on it. I have spoken to a few who simply found it too challenging to stop taking it, so they’re stuck with it for the rest of the their lives! Quite addictive in a very nasty way…

Perfectionism the-voice-of-the-oppressor

My mental theme these days is personal freedom from both my internal tyrants and any outside influences I disagree with. I am finally truly in touch with my anger! I find it sad that most women lose touch with their anger, that which could protect them from so many different forms of abuse. It seems much more socially acceptable for women to be depressed instead of angry. I say fuck that! Depression is hardly empowering.

In this battle, I am finding my internal demons more demanding than any outside influences, but I feel certain I will win!

There is only one way to find out…

Why write?

/ Laura Lee Carter / 16 Comments

Today I celebrate reaching over 50,000 views on this blog, with over 24,000 visitors!

This is my second major blog. My first, Midlife Crisis Queen, racked up hundreds of thousands of loyal followers from all over the world in its eight years of existence. However, I did not stay in crisis for long. Soon after I realized it was up to me to wield my own power in transforming myself and my life, I quickly moved from chaos and crisis, discovering an amazing array of new opportunities, not previously identified.    My books are a summary of how I changed everything in my world.

The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe and how you see the world…

But, as most of my sister writers know, it isn’t easy to believe in yourself and your craft, when we so rarely hear back from our readers. Blogging and book selling has become so impersonal these days. The evil empire, Amazon, basically owns our business. We often sell books and never know what our readers think of them. I have found that to be so frustrating through the years!

Most do not relate to the experience of writing first blog posts and then books for over ten years, and so rarely hearing anything back. Yes, I love what I do and I would do it no matter what, but the occasional “your book changed my life!” soothes my soul. That is why I cried when I received the most fantastic fan letter this week. He started out by ordering my new memoir, and loved it so much, he then ordered my other books.

My 2011 book: Find Your Reason to Be Here: The Search for Meaning in Midlife inspired him to write me a long letter about how that book changed his life. Here’s an excerpt:  

“For the first time in literally decades, I finally found an author who really “speaks” to the core of who I am as a person; who I not only identify with, but who I strongly identify with. Beginning with your need to flee Fort Collins’ frantic “retirement haven” pace to your craving for silence…YES! Me too! Before I even finished “From Suburbia…”, I was online ordering your other 3 books. “Find Your Reason To Be Here” was a HUGE wake up call to me. I’ve found it to be far, far more helpful and truthful than ANY of the other books I’ve read that purport to help one find one’s purpose in life. Thank you!”

“We read to know we are not alone.”  —  C. S. Lewis

This man has read most contemporary titles on midlife and finding your life’s purpose, and he found my book to be more useful than those by Marianne Williamson and other famous writers.

He now likes to hand my books out to friends and family who are suffering from midlife angst, which brings me to the true reason for his letter. He wanted to order more copies directly from me. This is how I prefer to sell books now, to people I might be able to build relationships with, instead of impersonal internet sales. I think it is good for readers to know that there is a genuine human being behind every line in my blog posts or books, one who would love to know if their writing is impacting your life.

So the next time you read something that moves you, why not send the author a note letting them know that their efforts have made a real difference in your world?

Any interest in learning more about midlife change, or purchasing my books? I’d love to hear from you! Please drop me a line at:  MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com