Where does my grief belong? Private vs. Public

My sister and I have been dealing with this question for the past few years, as our father died and then our mother and brother’s health continued to fail. In addition, we have both lost companion animals this past year. Is it better to share with others your inner feelings which are dominating your time and energy, or is it best to keep quiet?

In a world where most feelings are now allowed to be shared with those around you, those who supposedly care about you, when someone asks how you are, is it OK to say:

“Well my mom is despondent since she broke her hip and had to be moved to a nursing home, my brother just entered hospice care, and my husband suffers greatly from the major surgery he had this month. Did I mention that my dog died in my arms in July?”

Mostly my sister and I cry together on the phone and then go on. She tells me about how it breaks her heart to watch our Mom’s health and will to live fail. I tell her about our brother’s lonely, sad existence as his lungs and brain fail him. Throw in nearly a month at a hospital two hours north of here for Mike’s surgery, and you will see the sum total of our pain and grief.

Our family Christmas 2021

I know most will say, at least you still have your sister to talk to, and that is such a blessing, but Diane and I can’t help but feel that others don’t want to be brought down by our family’s grief. So many people just cannot handle the pain and grief of others. I have witnessed this personally. Everyone will have their own time of great grief, no matter how hard they try to deny it.

Having someone special to share your grief really does help…

Not age limits. Let’s use neuropsychological tests

Did you know that our country was one of the first in world history to create and do psychological testing on our candidates for military service in World War I? When you are fighting right next to others in trenches, mental stability is quite essential. Psychological and neurological testing is used in numerous ways today to qualify candidates for all kinds of jobs, why not for the most important jobs in the world?

Neuropsychological Testing is a test to measure how well a person’s brain is working. The abilities tested include reading, language usage, attention, learning, processing speed, reasoning, remembering, problem-solving, mood, and more.

With all the talk about age and abilities around our presidential candidates, etc. I would like to explain why age is not necessarily the issue here. Candidates like Donald Trump refer to terms like mild cognitive impairment (MCI) as if we had no way to impartially test for these problems without prejudice. There are excellent ways to test this. I know because I was tested recently.

I had one of these two hour tests last year, administered by a consulting neuropsychologist. Areas tested include attention and processing speed, verbal memory, visual memory, executive function, constructional praxis, apathy, depression, anxiety and sleep. My first observation was how exhausting it was for my brain. I had to sleep for a day afterwards to recover. But I already knew my worst problem was how quickly my brain wears out, and when it’s tired there no solution but rest. I also learned that as a person with mild cognitive impairment, I should not be working or running for any office.

I am certain the American public would benefit by testing such important personages as candidates for president and Congress in this way. What most do not understand and what I had to find out the hard way is that a person’s ability to serve is certainly not about age. It’s about cognitive strength or impairment. We have great tests for that. Let’s use them.

August Colorado Foothills Garden Scenes

Although just north of here has received more than abundant rainfall this summer, we are very low on our Water Year measurement at only 11 inches so far, with less than two months to go. That has been pretty tough on my xeriscape garden & landscape.

But my Blue Mist Spirea bushes are bigger and brighter than ever!

And curiously, all the big sunflowers have sprouted on a hill below our home on the east side.

Our fountain & bird bathes continue to attract all kinds of birds, bunnies, chipmunks, bobcats, badgers…

and, of course, deer. It’s so fun to look outside at various times during the day and enjoy their antics.

This year is in stark contrast to the much wetter August of 2021, when we had had twice as much precipitation by this time in the water year! GO SEE PHOTOS HERE:

A Tour of My CO Sky Garden, End of June 2023

I haven’t been out to my garden lately because of a painful hip and various illnesses in our family. But this morning was glorious, with temperatures in the 60s and great light, so I took a walk around and this is what I found.

First I noticed the loveliness of the East Spanish Peak, with a sash of wispy clouds around it.

Then I was drawn to my center piece of golden yarrow and those Rocky Mountain Penstemon who survived the deer that ate most of them in early spring.

Behind and to the right is my Buddha decorated with native Showy Four O’Clocks and Catmint. I still have a yellow Coreopsis that should be coming in soon to the left of Buddha, if the others leave enough room!

My yarrow and lavender plants are coming along well…

My yellow Columbine is almost finished blooming. Now it’s spreading its seed for next year…

My favorite time of year in my garden!

We had a quiet time celebrating the solstice this June. Our loving pup Rasta is now almost completely blind. Glaucoma just took his other eye this week 😦

My Early June Garden After a Rainy May

Although we haven’t had the kind of moisture that Denver and Colorado Springs have had this past May (with over five inches!), we have had over two inches here with cloudy rainy days for quite a while now. Today is a good example. Here are some pictures of my plants and bloomers in my foothills garden in southern Colorado today.

Starting on the west end, we have some very happy yucca, cacti and evening primrose plants, although the flowers and fruit of the yucca were rudely eaten off by some kind of varmint. Note the cute little honeysuckle bush in the upper left. It always blooms too early in the year!

Next we have the plants that bloom around my Buddha. On the left is a native Penstemon volunteer still blooming, some catmint coming in on the right and a native Four O-Clock fighting its way through in the middle. That will have magenta flowers eventually… Love it!

What I’m most proud of is my yellow Columbine, because I’ve never had one bloom in my garden thus far. Although it is the Colorado state flower, it usually gets bitten off before blooming.

On the east end I have some lovely irises blooming with the West Spanish Peak behind them!

Overall I’m so pleased with what I have so far, because I know that those May and June showers will bring some great blossoms later on! I’ll keep you posted…