My sister and I have been dealing with this question for the past few years, as our father died and then our mother and brother’s health continued to fail. In addition, we have both lost companion animals this past year. Is it better to share with others your inner feelings which are dominating your time and energy, or is it best to keep quiet?
In a world where most feelings are now allowed to be shared with those around you, those who supposedly care about you, when someone asks how you are, is it OK to say:
“Well my mom is despondent since she broke her hip and had to be moved to a nursing home, my brother just entered hospice care, and my husband suffers greatly from the major surgery he had this month. Did I mention that my dog died in my arms in July?”
Mostly my sister and I cry together on the phone and then go on. She tells me about how it breaks her heart to watch our Mom’s health and will to live fail. I tell her about our brother’s lonely, sad existence as his lungs and brain fail him. Throw in nearly a month at a hospital two hours north of here for Mike’s surgery, and you will see the sum total of our pain and grief.
Our family Christmas 2021
I know most will say, at least you still have your sister to talk to, and that is such a blessing, but Diane and I can’t help but feel that others don’t want to be brought down by our family’s grief. So many people just cannot handle the pain and grief of others. I have witnessed this personally. Everyone will have their own time of great grief, no matter how hard they try to deny it.
Having someone special to share your grief really does help…
Adventures of the NEW??? Old Farts 
Sharing your feelings of grief with others has been swept under the rug in families so people when hearing other’s grief are not prepared to react with compassion and simply don’t know how to. You will be met with, “They’re in a better place”…because they themselves have stuffed their grief and feel ashamed of grief itself. It is so important to grieve and share and I hope this becomes more prevalent in our western culture. So thank you for sharing because for me I don’t feel so alone in my feelings of grief over my personal losses. To be human is to feel. All of the emotions and that very act leads to transcendence. A peaceful New Year to you and your family.
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