As a sexagenarian (great name for our sixties, huh?) I have entered into a period of being in the present in such a lovely, positive, relaxing way. This feels somehow like my reward for living life fully, to do what I want and answer to nobody.
Something about living in an amazing natural place keeps me present most of the time, so much so that I rarely want to leave. I find nature so grounding.
But, as a therapist, I would like to make the case for paying attention to those moments in your past that you simply cannot let go, those moments that come up in your dreams and demand more psychic attention. I know that if I had not gone through a divorce and job loss in my late 40s and then decided to re-think my life, I would not be so content today.
Part of that process for me was contacting a key person from my past for a few astonishingly healing and cathartic conversations. Only you can decide whether letting your past go is possible and healing, or doing something in the present will expedite your movement into a better present and future. In my case I was quite lucky, because the lover from my past was also seeking redemption and healing. I don’t think any other choice would have provided that kind of healing for both of us. The whole experience felt like a blessing.
Sometimes the only way to move on is to take note of what you simply cannot let go of in your past. I would not know about this without experiencing it personally. To learn more about psychic healing and how it can help you believe in love again, I offer you my book: How to Believe in Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust, and Your Own Inner Wisdom. If you purchase it used through Amazon, I receive nothing, so please send me an e-mail at: MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com to request a copy. I promise you a great price!
Although I know this film hasn’t changed in 48 years, watching it showed me how much I have changed, and most of my changes have taken place since moving to rural Colorado. For example, when the riders pick up a hippie on the way to a commune, they eventually ask him where he’s from. His answer is simple and so true: “A city.” When pressed for more he says it doesn’t really matter what city, because cities have the same effect on us as people.I so agree now. And if you don’t, I challenge you to move to the country for a few years. Then we’ll talk.
I have also learned a lot about my biases and judgments of people I don’t know. For some reason, moving here has lighten my load of judgments on those who don’t look like me. I know in ‘Easy Rider’ the country people in the south hate hippie-types. There’s a great line in there from George, the local drunk played wonderfully by Jack Nicholson, who tags along with them on their journey to New Orleans. He says many just don’t appreciate the freedom these two bikers represent.
When they see it they want to kill it. Nice foreshadowing.
Mike rode a Gold Wing when I first met him. Before I fell in love with him 12 years ago, I judged those who rode motorcycles, especially if they had a tatoo. So much for that judgment… I have learned quite a bit about how to experience true personal freedom by living with Mike and by moving away from cities.
How do we benefit from judging ourselves and others? We don’t.
Want to know more about the changes you may go through by leaving city life behind? After checking out Cuenca Ecuador, we left suburban Fort Collins forever in 2014 to build a passive solar home in rural southern Colorado. Today we enjoy the amazing advantages of solar heating plus a 180 view of the Sangre de Cristo range!
What an interesting array of new ideas this past week! From Japan we have “Rent-a Friend” or family member… Apparently some Japanese can be so obsessed with appearances that they actually rent human stand-ins for various get-togethers. But don’t scoff too soon at this idea, because apparently it is also taking off in our own country!Hell, it may be a great idea for those new to foreign countries…like NYC. For the Japanese, who feel uncomfortable borrowing things, rentals seem more honest. They even have substitute therapists, untrained people who will listen to you complain about your life for only $10/hour!
In contrast, Norway has recently discovered the popularity of slow television, or “slow TV” (Norwegian: Sakte-TV), popularized in the 2000s by theNorwegian Broadcasting Corporation(NRK), beginning with the broadcast of a 7-hour train journey in 2009. This live “marathon” television coverage of an ordinary event in its complete length, generally last many hours or even days.
OK now I have a unique and perhaps revolutionary idea. Why don’t you spend the time and energy to make your own hand-picked friend. Imagine how much more satisfying that might be. Or, if you prefer a slower paced life, go find it! Since moving to the country I completely understand the appeal of slow TV, except mine is called ‘slow scenery’ and I stare at it all day long.
to sunset, it changes constantly, and sometimes offers up the most amazing images!
And I have even collected over the decades some of the most perfect music to go along with this tremendous lifestyle. This morning I had to listen to Jesse Colin Young’s song “Ridgetop.”A great description of where we live now. That and “Country Home” work for me!
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.” — Anne Lamott
Right Anne, like anybody’s perfect, but oh how I tried for decades. How crazy was I? Straight A’s in school, the best student in the world, pressure, pressure, pressure. Heck, I didn’t become a writer for most of my life because I figured I wasn’t perfect enough yet. Three graduate degrees later I finally, SLOWLY figured out that Anne was right the whole time. Now I am eminently imperfect, and I have so much more fun!
After we moved here I wondered about how honest I should be about exactly how unfriendly some folks were here. I was actually blown away by how badly some acted, even therapists! I assumed that people are naturally friendly in small towns or out in the country…WRONG!
Lots of folks move here BECAUSE of their anti-social personalities. Duh!
It was only later in life that I realized that I own my own stories, all of them. My most valued possessions are my own stories and how I survived them, every one of them!
My first book was the result of this realization. I had already sold a few of my essays to editors who were putting together anthologies on midlife change back in 2008. I had almost completed the sell of the story of my own divorce, to appear in the Seal Press book: Ask Me About Divorce, when I realized I should be making more money on my own stories! That is howMidlife Magic: Becoming The Person YOU are Inside came about. And I can assure you I made much more on my book than the $100 the Seal Press was offering!
From this and so much other risk-taking behavior, which emerged after I stopped trying to be ‘perfect’, I learned the joy of being fully me. And come to find out, I enjoyed the real me so much more than that nervous perfectionist!
“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go…” -T.S. Eliot
I must say, when I started this little website two and a half years ago, to share the slow progress on our passive solar home here in southern Colorado, I never expected for it to grow to 20,000 visitors and over 43,000 views. And I most definitely didn’t expect to see readers from over 80 countries of the world! Hallelujah!
Something else I never expected is that I would still be participating in the same Boomer Blog Carnival that I began in 2008! OK, so the members have changed constantly. I’ve even changed blogs since then. But come rain or shine, we are still bringing together some great blog posts for you to peruse each week!
Meryl Baer of Six Decades and Counting says: For so many of us computers are an integral part of our life nowadays. When the device runs smoothly we have a window on the world, using it for work as well as for all kinds of recreational pursuits. But when problems occur, those of us who are “non-nerds” become frustrated. That is what happened to Meryl this week. Her long-time computer companion had issues. Here she recounts her experiences in My Technologically Down Day and Hacked!
According to Rita R. Robison, consumer journalist,Saturday was National Prescription Drug Take-Back Day. If you weren’t able to return your unused or expired drugs, check in your community to see if it has a permanent location. It’s important because medications in the home are a leading cause of accidental poisoning. In addition, if you leave unused prescription drugs in your bathroom cabinet, teens or others may steal them and become addicted to prescription drugs. It happened in Robison’s family; it can happen in yours.
Of course many retirees like to travel. And Tom Sightings says, if you do, more power to you. He admires your sense of adventure. But as for the rest of us, he argues in If You’re Retired Do You Have to Travel? we shouldn’t feel that we’re missing out on something by staying closer to home. Travel is one thing to do in retirement; but it’s not the only thing, and it’s not something we should feel required to “check off” in order to fulfill our retirement dreams.
You tell ’em Tom! Our retirement dream was to move to such a natural, peaceful place that we wouldn’t feel the need to leave much, and I believe we succeeded…
This is our view this morning from our solar perch with the sun pouring in!
“The joy of listening to the quiet symphony of nature and the wonderment of seeing the Milky Way stretching overhead are unique experiences that can still be found in many of our national parks.” — Natural Sounds and Night Skies Division, NPS
I was so pleased to discover this week that our National Park Service maintains a Natural Sounds and Night Skies Division. These are a few of the joys I have discovered and begun to fully appreciate only by moving away from cities. By living rural I can finally hear the great animal orchestra composed by nature, and look up to find some of the last remaining harbors of natural darkness in our country.
Now that I know, I wish to preserve and provide opportunities for everyone to experience this critical resource.
The Internet is all about self-promotion. In fact, our country is all about self-promotion. Ask the millions, or perhaps billions of promoters on Twitter, Instagram, etc. etc. Everyone is trying to figure out a way to become famous enough to make a killing, so they don’t have to go to their regular jobs. Ask kids today. They get it. How many hope to become so famous through the Internet, that they don’t have to ever go get a real job?
Most of us would like to figure out how to become master manipulators of others.
And have you noticed yet? It is these master manipulators (celebrities) that we worship. Look how they convince others to send them their hard-earned dollars. Isn’t that great? Then we act surprised when we get manipulated ourselves!
Case in point, look who we have for president now. Talk about a master manipulator! He decided long ago that being famous was much more important than being useful or intelligent. Americans are just that stupid. So we now have a reality TV star for president. I’ll bet you thought that could never happen…
And further more, I’m afraid he sees his job now as just an extension of his reality TV show. Ratings are all that count! Of course some Americans have figured out exactly how scary this scenario is, note his approval ratings.Oh, Trump says, that’s all just fake news! Anyone for alternative realities?
But our bumbling Mr. Trump also has this problem all figured out. He’s saving up his best attention-getters for when he really needs them. Anyone for a war with North Korea? How about Iran or Syria? Is everybody in?
It’s all a game for Mr. Trump, a ratings game with millions of lives at stake. This is what we get for idealizing master manipulators instead of integrity and intelligence.
My greatest fear is that our own electoral college will cause the end of the world.