aging and independent thought
My lively group of fellow bloggers have never been known to be shy about having their opinions on, well everything, and I include myself in that lovely, well-opinionated group! I know, opinions are like a**holes, but what’s the point of being alive if you can’t say what you think?
And as for myself, I have some very strong feelings about A New Southern Colorado Adventure & Delight!
Yesterday, we celebrated Valentine’s Day in one of the most mellow places I can imagine. We drove an hour and a half west of here and arrived at the Sand Dunes Pool for a long, peaceful soak in the hot springs there.
We started out in the long, lazy river pool at around 100 degrees. This gets deeper the further you go in, and at the end there is a small water fall. The surrounding are surprisingly tropical and the temperature inside is perfect! This is the only pool you can swim around in in the adult section.
When you tire of the long, cool pool you can choose between three other smaller pools from 103 to 110 degrees or take a sauna.
The atmosphere is tropical, with cool plants growing everywhere! We saw a few orchids, some very nice succulents, a large Jade tree, and even a few tomatoes on the vine. This place is wonderful, like a moist, warm oasis in the middle of the dry, cold San Luis Valley. No wonder it is so popular! Alcohol is served in this section, and their hamburgers are great.
Everything I have described so far is in the adult or age 21+ section of this property. There is also an large, outdoor pool for families with kids. The surrounding mountains are incredible, and they also have places to stay there if you are on a vacation or RV camping. We’re just glad we live close enough to drive over for the day!
I do wish to mention one comment from a fellow swimmer yesterday. She was around age 50 and apparently she had been observing Mike and I for a while, when she came up to us and said,
“I just have to say you two make such a cute couple! My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. I just hope we can be like you two as we grow older together.”
That pretty much made our day!
How did this happen? How did I end up here, feeling so fortunate?
It’s a long story, one I can now share with you in my new memoir!
Aging and Friendship
“Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen.” — Charles Caleb Colton, a popular nineteenth century English cleric
It is obvious to me, my previous post about moving and making friends past midlife hit some sort of nerve with my readers. I so enjoyed the personal comments made by over 20+ readers! Some have studied this phenomenon throughout their lives and concluded it may have to do with different parts of the country and different sizes of town and cities.
So I decided to do a little research into this subject. I wanted to understand why two of my closest friends for decades dropped me suddenly soon after I turned 50, and why only one friend from my previous life in the Fort Collins area (for 20 years!), still keeps in close contact now.
The most insightful article I found was: “Aging and 3 Kinds of Friendship” by Brent Green. Mr. Green tells us that there are three kinds of friendships we may experience as we proceed through life, convenience, cosmetic and interdependent. A different article defined these loosely as takers, givers, and power sharers.
We all have had convenience friends, ones you hang out with because you share a work place, or kids in the same grades, or the same workout gym. These relationships can be very unequal with one person “helping” the other a lot. They can be draining!
Cosmetic friendships can also be draining because the person who supposedly likes you, wants something for it. Like work friends who think your relationship may help their career, these “friends” can vaporize quite quickly when you have nothing more to give to them.
The best kind of friends are those who are interdependent on each other. They don’t lean heavily, but they are there for you and accept you exactly the way you are. To quote Mr. Green:
“Both parties contribute and receive. Both are available to share the joys of closeness and help shoulder the burdens that come with aging. They give and take. They are committed to mutual growth and positive adaptation along the uncharted journey through life…They include the extraordinary friends we can count on when we become distraught or disillusioned. They are people who lift our spirits and in return welcome our nurturing care during their tough times.”
If you have any friends like these, count yourself very lucky!
Wins and losses when moving from Fort Collins to the southern Colorado foothills
We moved from Fort Collins to here in June of 2014 to build a direct gain passive solar home in the foothills west of Walsenburg. We rented a hundred-year-old house in town for 13 months while building our own version of a retirement dream home. There would be few surprises when we finally arrived in our new home, but moving to Walsenburg was the greatest culture shock.
When you decide to move to a very small town after living in the city most of your life, false assumptions can be made. After all, you really don’t know exactly what to expect, because you have never lived in such a tiny town before.
The first mistake we made was assuming that rentals would be available in both La Veta and Walsenburg in June. We discovered the end of May there were none we would even consider living in, and we were closing on our house the middle of June! We quickly made friends with Susie, the primary realtor in Walsenburg, and offered her a hefty bonus if she would find us something quick.
We also assumed utilities would be much cheaper in a small town, but we were wrong about that too. We did call the utility departments for both La Veta and Walsenburg before renting, and quickly discovered that only propane heating was available in La Veta. That would add up quite quickly in this cold part of the country, so we began leaning more towards Walsenburg in our selection process.
One thing we never would have guessed is that city water in Walsenburg would cost over $60 a month BEFORE you figured in how much you used that month! This town has lost about a third of its population in the past decade, so their water capacity is far larger than they need or can pay for, one reason why they are welcoming marijuana grow operations at present.
We did find a decent house to rent just in time, but it was so small we had to find additional storage for some of our furniture. The local realtor helped us with that too.
One total win for us was how friendly and welcoming our new landlord Bob was. He helped us whenever he could, and even provided new music for us to listen to as we explored our new home county. He then invited us up to his commune home near Gardner, where he has lived since the 1970s. The people who live in the communes in the northern part of Huerfano county have been so friendly and welcoming!
Another total win has been the quiet beauty of this part of Colorado. The views are phenomenal down here, and the weather is just a bit milder than up north. We love it! It’s definitely big sky country!
Most of the people we have met here have been friendly at least at first, although most seem hesitant to truly welcome new people. Most don’t seem to want to be friends. I’m still trying to figure that one out. I have heard a few interesting explanations so far!
I wrote quite a bit about making friends here in my journal, which then turned into a published memoir. When asked whether it was OK to write about how others have treated me here, I turn to Anne Lamott:
“Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
Sunrises are outrageous at 7,000 feet with no neighbors!
It’s been a long & winding road to this wonderful home in the foothills below those beautiful Sangre de Cristo Mountains, one I’d love to share with you!
Boomers Share Their Lives & Thoughts
The devastating murders in Paris this week are an important reminder to all of us exactly how fragile our lives can be. Anything can happen to any of us at any time.
In my forties, my midlife crisis manifested as regrets for the lack of one crucial life experience. I fully acknowledged my mortality, and found that I would be quite disappointed with my life if I never found true love. I chose to focus all of my energy on believing in love again. I believed what you focus on grows, and in my case it did!
Finding the love of my life in 2005 led to me finally finding right livelihood. All of my dreams started coming true with the endless love and support of Mike.
Mike is a Vietnam era veteran. He was not honored when he came home. He was shamed. But today I care for him and honor him everyday for the sacrifices he made in service to our country.
Another blogger in our group, Linda Myers loves and cares for a Vietnam vet. This week she accompanied her husband to the monthly meeting of a chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution. He was their speaker.
On The Survive and Thrive Boomer Guide, Rita R. Robison, consumer journalist, writes about tips for veterans to avoid signing up for “for-profit” schools that charge veterans high tuition for courses that are worthless in getting them jobs. Many of these colleges aggressively target veterans.
Meryl Baer of Six Decades and Counting had a new birth to announce this week in her family! She and her hub welcomed a new addition to their family, grand baby number 5 entered the world. Of course she is the cutest baby ever. See for yourself over at Welcome New Baby Baer.
Tom over at Sightings Over Sixty has a simple little problem for you to solve today. Is it as easy as it looks, or is there a trick to it? Teleport your way over to Think About It and see if you know the answer.
We boomers are surviving and thriving by living life with no regrets!
Rebellion at age 60
Rebellion is difficult, freedom priceless!
It only occurred to me recently that I am going through at age 60, what most went through in their teenage years. I would say I have always been a good girl, to some extent, doing what was expected of me. Two husbands and three graduate degrees later, it seems I have changed.
When Mike and I hatched the plan in late 2013, of selling our lovely home in Fort Collins (suburbia), to build a passive solar home in rural Huerfano county, I had no idea how much my family didn’t want us to do this. I guess I figured it was our business, but apparently not.
Come to find out, I have somehow betrayed my family by making my own decision. This has brought up a lot of other types of rebellion for me, rebellion I never felt at age 18 or 19. I feel angry that I have always done what was expected of me instead of what I wanted to do.
I know, better late than never…
I now recognize so many old tapes in my head, telling me what to do and how to act. These go against my own needs and desires, and yet it seems strange to be finally telling them to shut up.
This is where my own inner wisdom comes in. I now have six decades of wisdom stored up from just living my life day-to-day. I know myself very well.
I finally believe in my own wisdom. I know how I wish to live. I only wish my family had more faith in my judgment.
Want to learn more about my mammoth move from suburbia to rural southern Colorado? Go see here!
Adventures of the NEW??? Old Farts 