Reinvention – Lessons Learned

May 8, 2016March 7, 2017 / Laura Lee Carter / Leave a comment

September 22, 2013

An oldie but goodie from three years ago, before all of my major changes really got started! Before we moved down south and built this home…

I am now pushing 60. Looking back, I have found midlife to be the ideal time for self-discovery and personal reinvention.

Most of us have followed the path set out for us by others. What else can we do when we are young and inexperienced? And by age 40 or 50, we know where that leads.

By my mid-40s, I felt professionally secure, but stuck and frustrated, having been a good girl and followed all the rules. These feelings allowed me to finally find the confidence and courage to re-structure my life and create something new and different. My goal: complete authenticity!

Perhaps, like me, you have experienced some traumatic midlife challenges like divorce, job loss, empty nest, natural disasters or illness, as you watch your parents struggle with their own aging issues. All of these circumstances combined to cause me to question many of the choices I had made so far.

Did I want to spend the rest of my life this way?

In retrospect I see my various crises as golden opportunities to push me towards more appropriate personal choices. In the midst of my own midlife crisis, I spent months reading, looking inside, journaling, and being painfully honest with my feelings. Gradually I realized the future I saw ahead did not suit me. It was time to re-frame and do everything in a different way, MY WAY!

I used my own inner wisdom/intuition as my primary guide. Aware of the limitations of whatever time I had left on this earth, I worked ceaselessly to find a better path for myself.

Stop censoring yourself. Stop telling yourself you can never have what you truly want. Find out what that is for you, and then focus like a laser on your deepest desires.

There are indeed do-overs before it is all over!

In the midst of my only run in with unemployment at age 49, I decided that I was determined to have a marvelous, unconditional love relationship with another before I died. Then I did EVERYTHING within my power to make that happen, and it did!

Many have called me ‘lucky.’ I call me courageous, determined and stubborn. I began reinventing my life by first finding true love.

Next my new lover, who believed in me even more than I did, helped me change careers. I had always dreamed of becoming a writer, but ignored that desire because it seemed too crazy and impractical.

This time I was determined to get exactly what I wanted. And I am here to tell you, you can too!

“The person who says it cannot be done, should not interrupt the person doing it.” – Chinese proverb

I’m a newcomer to rural southern Colorado. After two years I decided to compile a short journal about the ups and downs of moving from a good-sized city to rural America to build a passive solar retirement home: A Memoir of Retirement: From Suburbia to Solar in Southern Colorado Please share this information with your friends if they are considering similar life changes. Feel free to contact me directly to discuss any of these challenges, and to order your own signed copies of any of my books! Cheers, Laura Lee (email me: MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com)

Sedona Sojourn – May 2016

May 7, 2016November 18, 2016 / Laura Lee Carter / 8 Comments

“We travel to seek other places, other lives, other souls.” – Anais Nin

So off we went this past Monday morning to seek warmer climes down south in New Mexico and Arizona…enough snow already! We packed up ourselves, our cat and dog and headed south. Charlie the cat only made it as far as Trinidad, pooping in his box along the way. (Thanks Charlie!) We left him off at our wonderful vet’s place, and were in New Mexico in 20 minutes.

We headed down to Socorro on I-25 and then west past the Very Large Array. Very cool visitor center! It really brought out the space nerd in Mike, and reminds me of the movie Contact from 1997.

We ended the day at Lyman Lake State Park just across the Arizona border, and were disappointed to learn that this campground appears to be removing all of its camp sites for those not in gigantic RVs. They have expensive, new cabins (without toilets!) and only a few non-electric sites. It seems even in the realm of camping, those with the most money win.

Next morning we enjoyed a delicious breakfast in Show Low, and then continued on to Payson to spend a few hours with Mike’s sister and her family. Then on to Sedona where my brother lives.

Our arrival in Sedona was breathtakingly beautiful, but pure culture shock for Mike and I. Intense traffic by our standards with lots of confusing roundabouts everywhere. For obvious reasons, this place is tourist heaven!

However, it wasn’t heaven for us. We picked up my brother John and proceeded north of town to Manzanita campground, which was full. We then spent an hour or so finding no place to stay anywhere near Sedona.

Finally a nice guy at the Circle K told us about some Forest Service land west of town where we were allowed to sleep in our van.

The best part? The beautiful cacti in full bloom everywhere!

For as beautiful as it is, Sedona was not our cup of tea. To us, it seemed like Estes Park (next to Rocky Mountain National Park) on steroids, so noisy, busy and none relaxing! And it really surprised me that my brother, who lives on the land up north in Oak Creek Canyon, likes it there. But the land is beautiful, the weather is nice, and the people we met there were surprisingly helpful and friendly. I guess John has everything he needs there without having to own a car, pay rent, etc.

Our return trip was not so fun. Mike got sick and it was so windy driving across northern New Mexico. We stayed in Gallup. Mike went to bed and I ventured out to find some dinner and a 35-word short story:

A Visit to McDonald’s in Navajo Country

At first glance there was fear. Who was this beige ghost so out of place? Then I smiled, and experienced a beautiful show of relief. An angel-like round face framed by dark hair smiled back at me.

From my visit with my brother I could only conclude: to each his own. By the time you’re 50 or 60 I guess you know what works best for you. This home in southern Colorado with a tremendous view of the Spanish Peaks is our own version of perfect!

We appreciate it even more now…

Best of Boomer Blogs – May Day Edition

May 1, 2016May 1, 2016 / Laura Lee Carter / 4 Comments

I love to remember May Day when I was a kid. We lived in a small town in Iowa where kids made simple paper May baskets, filled them with flowers, and then hung them on our neighbor’s front doors. What FUN! Then at school we would do the Maypole dance. Such great spring singing programs! Remember “Spring is busting out all over!?”

Unfortunately the weather is NOT cooperating here today. We are stuck in our second four day snowstorm in TWO WEEKS in southern Colorado. The good news? Over 4 inches of moisture in April! That’s my rain gauge out there…

Luckily we have a few great blog posts from some great boomer bloggers to entertain us today! First up is Carol Cassara:

Visibility seems to be EVERYTHING in today’s intrusive social media environment–and some of the most awful influences on kids and grandkids are way too visible. Carol’s asking what you think parents (and grandparents) can do to combat the influence of negative role models in social media? At the same time, she’s lucky enough to have a nephew who appreciates the wisdom of age.

Meryl Baer of Six Decades and Counting says the pharmaceutical industry is dear to the hearts of most Americans. We buy lots of drugs, but the industry wants us to buy more. Advertisements ply us with information about all kinds of maladies and the pills that will cure them. Meryl spends too much time listening to ads, as she explains in her post: On Becoming a Hypochondriac.

Tom Sightings says, they’ve been talking about it for a few years now, ever since the last of their children left home. It’s a crossroads most of us must face as we retire. So navigate over to “Guess What We’re Doing?” to find out what he’s talking about — and what they’re doing.

Over at The Survive and Thrive Boomer Guide, Rita R. Robison, consumer journalist, writes about a new study that found working longer can extend your life. Researchers found that healthy adults who retired one year past age 65 had an 11 percent lower risk of death from all causes, even when taking into account demographic, lifestyle, and health issues.

Too bad so many us do have health issues which prevent us from working longer, or chronic unemployment. It’s also very sad thousands of midlife Americans are committing suicide at an alarming rate.

How Prince Made My Life Better

April 27, 2016April 28, 2016 / Laura Lee Carter / 12 Comments

I don’t remember how I first heard about Prince. In the early 80s I had recently returned to Boulder Colorado, lost in severe depression. Imagine sitting in Taipei, Taiwan, certain that I needed to leave or lose my mind. But where to go next?

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After a disillusioning and devastating seven months studying Chinese at the Stanford Center in Taipei, I felt like I knew how miserable some missionaries to China in the late 1800s had felt. There was nothing I liked about my life, and I had previously come to the conclusion that my future included a PhD in Chinese history.

What next, as I turned 30?

I returned to Boulder because it was the closest I had ever felt to home. Luckily I had friends there who put me up for a year or so. I wasn’t even sure if I had enough mental health left to work, but I got a half-time job in the Personnel Office at CU-Boulder Library. There I met a few welcoming positive and supportive women, most notably Cathie. (Thank you for your special kind of love and understanding Cathie!)

After a while, I got a perfectly mindless job in the Cataloging Department. Does anyone out there know about working as a “Retro Jet”? The job is simply editing OCLC records online as quickly as possible to match the book we have in our collection.

So we sat on the computer editing OCLC records for hours on end. Luckily we were allowed to listen to our walkmans while we did it! Somewhere in the great camaraderie of retro jets, I was introduced to Prince, the perfect music to listen to for this particularly boring job! Yes, the people I met through my retro jet job, and the music I was introduced to made me feel great for the first time in years!

There is something about Prince’s music that took me out of my busy, worried mind and freed my soul for some sort of positive future. At the time I had no idea what that might be, I just knew I needed to find my bright side again SOON!

I’ve always been one of those Boomers who was searching for where I belonged in society. I went on to complete an M.A. in Third World History, and then turned to my first love, psychology around age 35. But as it turns out, my real love is NOT LIVING IN CITIES.

My life has taken such a circuitous path, partially because I had certain goals stuck in my head early, that I would eventually need to let go of. My most recent discovery about myself came from moving away from all cities and building solar.

Come to find out, I don’t “belong in society” at all! Who knew?

I belong where I feel free...

Why we love snowstorms in Colorado!

April 19, 2016April 19, 2016 / Laura Lee Carter / 6 Comments

We’ve been sitting in a snowstorm here at 7,000 feet in southern Colorado for the past four days. I loved it! I wrote about this and it seemed like everyone responded with, “That sounds horrible to me!”

This is exactly how horrible it is. When the snow clears and the Sangre de Cristo peaks emerge from the clouds, we are surrounded by incredible beauty. This is our view to the south today.

This is our view to the west as Mount Mestas emerges from the storm.

Besides the stunning views following a storm, we have now received two and a half inches of precipitation, about one-sixth of our total annual rainfall, leading to fields of spring flowers like Indian paintbrush, lupines, penstemon, or these lovely wild iris:

I took these photos last June, west of here in a high mountain meadow. The same can be said of the photo in the header of this blog, an amazing spread of spring flowers which only appear when we get some hardy spring snowstorms!

In conclusion: If you want the rainbow, you must have the rain…

Morning in “Be-Here-Now” Land

March 31, 2016August 26, 2022 / Laura Lee Carter / 12 Comments

After almost two years living in the foothills a few miles west of Walsenberg Colorado, I still struggle to find a way to help you understand how living here is so amazingly different from the suburbs of Fort Collins. Possibly you can imagine, this has been culture shock after culture shock for a couple of city people.

In fact, I wake up every morning and wonder for just a moment or so, where am I? Then I look out my glass doors at this:

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…and I know this is no dream. This is one larger-than-life reality!

I try to explain to my friends who are still up in Fort Collins working, how this lifestyle change has changed me. But since they only come down for a day or two at a time, they cannot really understand how living here feels.

At first I was mainly freaked out. This world is so very different than what I’m used to that it scared me, especially since we had essentially put all our eggs in one basket on this one!

I see now why it was so hard for my original, stressed-out self to deal with this place. This is a whole world away from what most consider “life in America.” We have very few chain stores, and no reason to go shopping unless you need a few groceries. We have one movie theater showing one movie three times a week.

At times I feel like I moved to a different country (especially since this ridiculous presidential campaign started!) Now when I watch the national news I think, “Wow, those people are crazy… what a horrible way to live!”

Recently I heard someone down here say:

Most people don’t realize how much stress they have until they slow down enough to lose some of it.

That’s where I’m at now.

I get up most days and take a hike around our house, looking for interesting animal tracks. I’ve just started getting into bird watching, my cat is encouraging me. I have finally slowed down enough to have the time to think a lot about what I need to do before I die, and seeing the world is not on that list at present. I’d rather spend the rest of my life directly experiencing the American Southwest.

Although I’ve always had Buddhist leanings, I now feel more drawn to Native American philosophies. I imagine them travelling through the valley below us on their way to Bent’s Fort to sell animal pelts and get the latest news. I love to imagine someone from the 1800’s walking into our home now, and being shocked by the modern conveniences of today. But we should not let our easy lives convince us that we are more wise than those who came before us. Perhaps we are the idiots who will ruin the best life ever experienced on planet earth…I certainly hope not.

I am filled with gratitude that I can now live like this forever. Please go learn more about our move from Fort Collins to here in my new memoir!