Midlife: Finding the courage to release what is familiar and seemingly secure…

“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”   – Alan Cohen

This quote perfectly describes my life experience since my own midlife crisis at age 49, just like this great song, “Taking the Long Way!

When I lost my marriage, my job and my career, I finally confronted exactly how miserable I was with my life so far.         I knew I needed to release my familiar and embrace the new, but did I have that much courage?  Could I change in that many ways? It always helps when you feel like you have completely run out of options!

how-to-believe-in-love-again-between-tiny-and-blog-sizeFirst I started a small, local dating service, because I didn’t trust online dating. That eventually led to meeting my new husband Mike, online of course. He has been such an important factor in encouraging me to become fully me for the first time in my life. And I just realized yesterday exactly how free I feel living here in the middle of nowhere, depending on the sun for most of our heat, and Mike and our pets for love and support.

tell negative committee to shut upI never feel judged, and rarely even angry in my new life. I live my life as I like, and find my greatest critic comes from within. But I have gotten much better at telling it to “shut up!” It takes time, peace, and support to let go of the voices in your mind, and then move on to being present for the moment before you, the only one you have.

I am slowly relaxing into each moment as it arrives. What a wonderful way to live. I only wish I would have figured this one out sooner!

How did this happen? How did I end up here, feeling so fortunate?

It’s a long story, one I can now share with you!

Acceptance releases everything to be what it already is…

What’s not to like about living in Walsenburg and rural southern Colorado

Don’t get me wrong, there are a number of negatives in moving from a city to a rural area, so much so that I often wondered why we did it after we moved here in June 2014.

(Postscript July 2018: I forgot to mention wildfires that burn up half the county!)

We first rented a 100-year-old home in Walsenburg, while building our rural home. At the time, this was the only decent rental available in the whole area! Yes, during that first year I had many doubts about whether this area was the best choice for me.

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Our rental in Walsenburg for one year…

Driving through Walsenburg, you will see a sad little town that has certainly seen better days. To quote the city of Walsenburg page:

“Incorporated on June 16, 1873, Walsenburg was the first statutory city and seventh incorporated municipality in the Territory of Colorado. Walsenburg, an irregular plateau broken by numerous narrow fertile valleys in the east, rising to the Culebra Range of the Sangre de Cristo in the west and the Spanish Peaks in the south. Elevation is 6,126 feet. Average annual precipitation is 15.8 inches. 300+ days of sunshine.” 

The town enjoyed its highest population numbers (around 5,000 souls) in the 1930s through the 60s when coal mining was king. It now has fallen below 3,000. We do have two grocery stores, a few motels, three fast food places, and a few good restaurants. Two highlights are the La Plaza Inn, built in 1907, and the historic Fox Movie Theater. 

In retrospect, I wish I hadn’t worried so much about enjoying my new life here. Sure it is inconvenient to have to drive to larger towns for certain things and some medical care, but the real point is that living here is good for my health. It took a while, but I eventually understood the subtle and not so subtle effects of stress on my body, spirit, and mind. It was only after living without city stress for a while, that I saw what a toll it was taking on me. Only in this quiet, natural setting have I learned to be present with this moment, a goal I have held for years.

It’s true I didn’t enjoy living in Walsenburg. I found the town depressing. But now that we live in the foothills west of there, I like going into town. It no longer bums me out. I just needed to realize that we have traded the many conveniences of living in a city for incredible natural beauty and glorious silence in a world with so little of that.

When I consider the negatives of where we live now, the worst is the terrible wind storms we can have, with fine dust blowing everywhere. This is a semi-arid climate so it dries out everything including your skin.

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Springtime in the Rockies!

We have to be ever mindful of the seasonal moisture here and plant only plants native to this area. The wildflowers can be beautiful down here, (please see the yellow flowers on the header of this blog), but it all depends on the rain and snow cycles.

Laura and rasta close upI’m a newcomer to rural southern Colorado.  After two years I decided to compile a short journal about the ups and downs of moving from a good-sized city to rural America to build a passive solar retirement home in the foothills: A Memoir of Retirement: From Suburbia to Solar in Southern Colorado   Please share this information with your friends if they are considering similar life changes. Feel free to contact me directly to discuss any of these challenges, and to order your own signed copies of any of my books!   –Laura Lee  (email me: MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com)

Why I left the “best cities in America” to live in rural southern Colorado

Denver and Colorado Springs the best cities in America? I can hardly stand to drive up there now! I know those places may be good for businesses and careers, but for actual ‘quality of life’? Forget it!

The air is so dirty up there you can smell it. The traffic and noise is unbelievably bad unless you compare it to other cities like LA. I find it interesting that young people love the high-stress atmosphere of cities like Denver. High anxiety just makes me tired these days.

When I last visited Denver and Colorado Springs, I could feel the stress building in my body immediately. First just getting there is so stressful, because of the intense traffic from Pueblo north on I-25. Then the air starts smelling really bad, and my fellow drivers start crowding in on me, pressuring me to drive faster than I feel is safe. Most city dwellers would disagree with me, but the point is we humans don’t fully realize how much stress we live with daily, until we try living without it.

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The view from our new home!

I moved to Walsenburg Colorado in June 2014 to build a solar home down here. The culture shock was strong and immediate. Each morning when I went outside, I would think, “Where am I?” The pace of life here felt so foreign. Now I call it slow and comfortable, but back then it took me a while to appreciate the lack of constant pressure, noise and traffic. Yes, the trains were noisy in town, but I’m originally from Kansas so I like the sound of trains.

IMGP4362When our new home was finished, a stressful process in and of itself, we moved out to the foothills. Now I spend hours just staring at those incredible mountains, with their ever changing cloud and weather patterns.

The silence and beauty of this area takes my breath away daily, but in a good way…   “Goodbye city life!”

Laura and rasta close upCheck out my new book:  A Memoir of Retirement: From Suburbia to Solar in Southern Colorado  and share this information with your friends if they are considering a move to rural America. Feel free to contact me directly to discuss any of these challenges, and to order your own signed copies of any of my books!   Cheers, Laura Lee  (email me: MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com)

Millennials and Me, Part 2 (at 60!)

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Our sunrise this morning in southern Colorado!

I tell you, the more I learn about millennials, the more I like them! The latest news is that millennial women are waiting much longer to marry than previous generations. Good thinking women!

My theme song for this part of my life? Taking the long way around!

That was always my plan back in the 1970s, when most of the women my age were getting married and pregnant. I had no intention of ending up a single mother with no career. I felt a strong need to support myself in all ways.

I waited until 39 to marry, and even that was a mistake on my part. I hate to tell you, but I wasn’t really ready for marriage until age 50, or at least I couldn’t find a man worthy of me until then…

I was single or unhappily married until age 50, but that is not to say I didn’t enjoy being single or love being married. Now I would say, with the right partner, I much prefer marriage to the single life. I love having my best friend to discuss everything with. I love having his expertise when I get some crazy idea that requires construction or mechanical abilities. Those are definitely not my strong suit. And I so enjoy unconditional love and support when I’m not feeling so sure of myself.

I now believe people were meant to live together and support each other, it just took me forever to find the person to do that for me. To younger people I say, What’s the rush?

Go out and live your life on your own terms! Be strong, see the world, experience life wherever you find it! Experience love wherever you find it, but never settle for someone who does not show you complete love and respect. Be yourself and find out exactly what that is for YOU. Then, when you know who you are, and love that person fiercely. When you have no intention of changing for others, only then choose a partner who loves you just the way you are!  

My primary lesson from my first marriage:  When you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for!

 

Blogging Boomers Have Their Say!

if-you-obey-all-the-rules-you-miss-all-the-fun Katherine HepburnMy lively group of fellow bloggers have never been known to be shy about having their opinions on, well everything, and I include myself in that lovely, well-opinionated group! I know, opinions are like a**holes, but what’s the point of being alive if you can’t say what you think?

This week Rita R. Robison, consumer journalist over at The Survive and Thrive Boomer Guide, writes about the movies nominated for Academy Awards this year. Although she feels as though she’s watched hundreds of movies, Robison actually only saw 26 movies and 10 shorts. Here she writes about these movies, because she thinks movie makers put too many violent images on the big screen. 

Traveling and sightseeing can be exhausting activities, as Meryl Baer of Six Decades and Counting found out after three weeks on the road. She took a break, enjoying life at a slow, enjoyable pace. Read about her day off at Retirees Take a Day Off

Tom, at Sightings Over Sixty, brings up Three Silent Issues that the politicians have been avoiding. Go over and take a look, and then you decide — aren’t these the kinds of things we should be talking about?

One of my favorite online educators, Kathy Gottberg, over at SmartLiving365.com shares her personal thoughts about creativity and her amazing mother in her new piece titled: The Courage to Live Your Creativity With Stubborn Delight! Don’t miss it!

tell negative committee to shut upAnd as for myself, I have some very strong feelings about the choices we make everyday between playing it safe and taking big risks. As you can probably tell, I became a big risk-taker after realizing how little I really had at midlife. Now I feel, one of the most important lessons I have ever learned in life is:

Playing it safe does not get you what you want! 

Are you ‘playing it safe’?

One the most important lessons I learned from my own midlife crisis at age 49:      Playing it safe does not get you what you want in life! 

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“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the NEW.”   — Socrates

And this goes double for any retirement decisions you may be making right now. Taking the stay-where-you-are way may be a lot easier, but will it make your last dreams in life come true?

Learn more about this process and how you can start taking more risks today, over at my “How To Believe In Love Again” blog!

“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”  – T.S. Eliot