Reinvention – Lessons Learned

May 8, 2016March 7, 2017 / Laura Lee Carter / Leave a comment

September 22, 2013

An oldie but goodie from three years ago, before all of my major changes really got started! Before we moved down south and built this home…

I am now pushing 60. Looking back, I have found midlife to be the ideal time for self-discovery and personal reinvention.

Most of us have followed the path set out for us by others. What else can we do when we are young and inexperienced? And by age 40 or 50, we know where that leads.

By my mid-40s, I felt professionally secure, but stuck and frustrated, having been a good girl and followed all the rules. These feelings allowed me to finally find the confidence and courage to re-structure my life and create something new and different. My goal: complete authenticity!

Perhaps, like me, you have experienced some traumatic midlife challenges like divorce, job loss, empty nest, natural disasters or illness, as you watch your parents struggle with their own aging issues. All of these circumstances combined to cause me to question many of the choices I had made so far.

Did I want to spend the rest of my life this way?

In retrospect I see my various crises as golden opportunities to push me towards more appropriate personal choices. In the midst of my own midlife crisis, I spent months reading, looking inside, journaling, and being painfully honest with my feelings. Gradually I realized the future I saw ahead did not suit me. It was time to re-frame and do everything in a different way, MY WAY!

I used my own inner wisdom/intuition as my primary guide. Aware of the limitations of whatever time I had left on this earth, I worked ceaselessly to find a better path for myself.

Stop censoring yourself. Stop telling yourself you can never have what you truly want. Find out what that is for you, and then focus like a laser on your deepest desires.

There are indeed do-overs before it is all over!

In the midst of my only run in with unemployment at age 49, I decided that I was determined to have a marvelous, unconditional love relationship with another before I died. Then I did EVERYTHING within my power to make that happen, and it did!

Many have called me ‘lucky.’ I call me courageous, determined and stubborn. I began reinventing my life by first finding true love.

Next my new lover, who believed in me even more than I did, helped me change careers. I had always dreamed of becoming a writer, but ignored that desire because it seemed too crazy and impractical.

This time I was determined to get exactly what I wanted. And I am here to tell you, you can too!

“The person who says it cannot be done, should not interrupt the person doing it.” – Chinese proverb

I’m a newcomer to rural southern Colorado. After two years I decided to compile a short journal about the ups and downs of moving from a good-sized city to rural America to build a passive solar retirement home: A Memoir of Retirement: From Suburbia to Solar in Southern Colorado Please share this information with your friends if they are considering similar life changes. Feel free to contact me directly to discuss any of these challenges, and to order your own signed copies of any of my books! Cheers, Laura Lee (email me: MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com)

How Prince Made My Life Better

April 27, 2016April 28, 2016 / Laura Lee Carter / 12 Comments

I don’t remember how I first heard about Prince. In the early 80s I had recently returned to Boulder Colorado, lost in severe depression. Imagine sitting in Taipei, Taiwan, certain that I needed to leave or lose my mind. But where to go next?

original_photo_Thailand_1973cropped[1] (2)

After a disillusioning and devastating seven months studying Chinese at the Stanford Center in Taipei, I felt like I knew how miserable some missionaries to China in the late 1800s had felt. There was nothing I liked about my life, and I had previously come to the conclusion that my future included a PhD in Chinese history.

What next, as I turned 30?

I returned to Boulder because it was the closest I had ever felt to home. Luckily I had friends there who put me up for a year or so. I wasn’t even sure if I had enough mental health left to work, but I got a half-time job in the Personnel Office at CU-Boulder Library. There I met a few welcoming positive and supportive women, most notably Cathie. (Thank you for your special kind of love and understanding Cathie!)

After a while, I got a perfectly mindless job in the Cataloging Department. Does anyone out there know about working as a “Retro Jet”? The job is simply editing OCLC records online as quickly as possible to match the book we have in our collection.

So we sat on the computer editing OCLC records for hours on end. Luckily we were allowed to listen to our walkmans while we did it! Somewhere in the great camaraderie of retro jets, I was introduced to Prince, the perfect music to listen to for this particularly boring job! Yes, the people I met through my retro jet job, and the music I was introduced to made me feel great for the first time in years!

There is something about Prince’s music that took me out of my busy, worried mind and freed my soul for some sort of positive future. At the time I had no idea what that might be, I just knew I needed to find my bright side again SOON!

I’ve always been one of those Boomers who was searching for where I belonged in society. I went on to complete an M.A. in Third World History, and then turned to my first love, psychology around age 35. But as it turns out, my real love is NOT LIVING IN CITIES.

My life has taken such a circuitous path, partially because I had certain goals stuck in my head early, that I would eventually need to let go of. My most recent discovery about myself came from moving away from all cities and building solar.

Come to find out, I don’t “belong in society” at all! Who knew?

I belong where I feel free...

Morning in “Be-Here-Now” Land

March 31, 2016August 26, 2022 / Laura Lee Carter / 12 Comments

After almost two years living in the foothills a few miles west of Walsenberg Colorado, I still struggle to find a way to help you understand how living here is so amazingly different from the suburbs of Fort Collins. Possibly you can imagine, this has been culture shock after culture shock for a couple of city people.

In fact, I wake up every morning and wonder for just a moment or so, where am I? Then I look out my glass doors at this:

imgp0165

…and I know this is no dream. This is one larger-than-life reality!

I try to explain to my friends who are still up in Fort Collins working, how this lifestyle change has changed me. But since they only come down for a day or two at a time, they cannot really understand how living here feels.

At first I was mainly freaked out. This world is so very different than what I’m used to that it scared me, especially since we had essentially put all our eggs in one basket on this one!

I see now why it was so hard for my original, stressed-out self to deal with this place. This is a whole world away from what most consider “life in America.” We have very few chain stores, and no reason to go shopping unless you need a few groceries. We have one movie theater showing one movie three times a week.

At times I feel like I moved to a different country (especially since this ridiculous presidential campaign started!) Now when I watch the national news I think, “Wow, those people are crazy… what a horrible way to live!”

Recently I heard someone down here say:

Most people don’t realize how much stress they have until they slow down enough to lose some of it.

That’s where I’m at now.

I get up most days and take a hike around our house, looking for interesting animal tracks. I’ve just started getting into bird watching, my cat is encouraging me. I have finally slowed down enough to have the time to think a lot about what I need to do before I die, and seeing the world is not on that list at present. I’d rather spend the rest of my life directly experiencing the American Southwest.

Although I’ve always had Buddhist leanings, I now feel more drawn to Native American philosophies. I imagine them travelling through the valley below us on their way to Bent’s Fort to sell animal pelts and get the latest news. I love to imagine someone from the 1800’s walking into our home now, and being shocked by the modern conveniences of today. But we should not let our easy lives convince us that we are more wise than those who came before us. Perhaps we are the idiots who will ruin the best life ever experienced on planet earth…I certainly hope not.

I am filled with gratitude that I can now live like this forever. Please go learn more about our move from Fort Collins to here in my new memoir!

Location, Location, Location – Where do you belong in this wild & crazy world?

January 25, 2016October 11, 2016 / Laura Lee Carter / 7 Comments

power outage

Picture this: We now live a southern Colorado county with only two traffic lights. Yep, in the whole county!

So, our recent experience getting stuck in our worst traffic jam ever in Denver, convinced us that country living may be a better choice. After a quick trip up there this week, I am even more certain that we have found the best place in the world for us.

What happens when I drive up to Denver? The first thing I notice is the foul air, and then everything starts crowding in on me. When you’re used to a one stoplight town, traffic in the city can get very intense, very quickly. Try sitting in that traffic for 30 or 40 minutes after living in the southern Colorado outback for a couple of years. UNBELIEVABLE!

Did you know my original goal in leaving northern Colorado was to never waste another minute of my limited lifespan sitting in a traffic jam?

Don’t get me wrong. I do see the appeal of the city, just not for me anymore. I now totally appreciate what a fine line it can be finding the right size city for each of us. Too small and it can get boring, too large and it’s ugly in so many ways.

From my experience, it is important when you start searching for your forever home, to spend some serious time there first. Spend at least six months to a year there before choosing anything permanent. Try to make a few friends and learn as much as you can about the area.

As we age we find out how important the simple pleasures are in our lives. When you have more past than future, you learn.

Want to learn more about the experience of moving from the city to the country to live a quiet, relaxed life? Check it out here!

Millennials and Me (at 60!)

January 21, 2016February 5, 2016 / Laura Lee Carter / 15 Comments

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage” –Anais Nin

I have been struck by an apparent trait of millennials lately. On the news they keep saying that millennials often choose experiences over buying products. They would rather take a trip than buy a new set of clothes. Now that is something I can relate to…

I have always chosen an experience over buying something. Whether it be interesting friendships or trips to spectacular or exotic places, I was always up for an adventure. That’s why I traveled quite a bit in my 20s, 30s, and 40s. And now that I’m 60, I’m so glad I did!

I went on a number of week-long river trips in Utah and Colorado in my twenties while living in Salt Lake City. These were marvelous, relaxing and unique journeys into the rural American West.

And how can I forget that backpacking trip to Canyonlands in southern Utah at age 18, when a couple of my friends got lost, and the ranger took us on a helicopter ride over the area in search of them? How can my parents forget getting that call that I was lost, even though I hasn’t.

And then there was that crazy trip to Mayaguez, Puerto Rico to pick up a sailboat and sail it to the British Virgin Islands. Come to find out the boat was a piece of crap, and there was no way it was going to sail that far. So instead we spent a few days in Mayaguez living on the boat, sailed to San Juan, and then a friend and I flew over to Tortola for one of the best weeks of my life, enjoying pina coladas and sunsets on Cane Garden Bay!

I discovered Venice on a rather ill-fated trip in the mid-1980s. I first landed in Paris to visit a friend. We traveled to Florence together, where I became quite ill with hepatitis and never left the hotel room! But then it was on to Venice. I was alone for most of my stay there, it was January, I was still sick, and yet I LOVED VENICE! I will never forget my long walks around Venice in the thick London fog, or the man next door at my cheap pension, practicing his opera piece over and over again. It was as authentic as it gets!

I have also spent over a year of my life in various countries in east Asia. Bangkok, Taipei, Hong Kong and China are familiar to me, with a million tales to tell about that fascinating part of our world.

Travel today is just not as stress-free as 30 or 40 years ago. Yes, there was the occasional hijacking back then, but in general it was cheaper, a lot easier, and much safer.

Building in December 2015 in southern Colorado

Mike (who spent most of his 20s traveling the Pacific in the Navy) and I, don’t have any major urges to travel at present. A trip right now just sounds exhausting after our recent two year struggle to move south and build this amazing solar home in one beautiful part of the country. In fact, our new home still feels like a fantastic vacation home to us!

We’re both glad we took those spontaneous trips back when it was fun and adventurous, and we look forward to exploring rural regions of the American southwest in the future.

Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on…

My Next Project: A Journal of Retirement

January 12, 2016February 11, 2017 / Laura Lee Carter / 8 Comments

I’m just beginning to get excited about writing my next book! This week I started collecting all that I have written in the past few years, and enjoying (in retrospect!) the process of how our retirement came about. Retirement for us was a bit of an ungraceful process, sort of like that joke about making sausage, but it happened all the same and most importantly, we survived!
It’s surprisingly fun and funny reading my old entries about trips to Ecuador, renovating our old house for sale, falling down the stairs, etc. I would guess this could make for some interesting reading for those who are just beginning to consider their retirement options.

Mike fooling around down below!

I have decided to write it in journal-style, much like if the reader was reading my diary, as it happened. I have always enjoyed the intimacy of books written in this style.

This book will answer such questions as when and why did we first get interested in moving to Ecuador? Why did we lose interest? How did we decide to check out southern Colorado as a site for a solar home? How did we choose the architecture of this home? etc.

Basically this will be a summary of how this wonderful place all came about for us. How did we end up here, doing this at age 60?

I am filled with gratitude that I can now live like this forever. Please go learn more about our move from Fort Collins to here in my new memoir!

“I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring.” – David Bowie