mindfulness
First I started a small, local dating service, because I didn’t trust online dating. That eventually led to meeting my new husband Mike, online of course. He has been such an important factor in encouraging me to become fully me for the first time in my life. And I just realized yesterday exactly how free I feel living here in the middle of nowhere, depending on the sun for most of our heat, and Mike and our pets for love and support.
I never feel judged, and rarely even angry in my new life. I live my life as I like, and find my greatest critic comes from within. But I have gotten much better at telling it to “shut up!” It takes time, peace, and support to let go of the voices in your mind, and then move on to being present for the moment before you, the only one you have.Millennials and Me, Part 2 (at 60!)
Our sunrise this morning in southern Colorado!
I tell you, the more I learn about millennials, the more I like them! The latest news is that millennial women are waiting much longer to marry than previous generations. Good thinking women!
My theme song for this part of my life? Taking the long way around!
That was always my plan back in the 1970s, when most of the women my age were getting married and pregnant. I had no intention of ending up a single mother with no career. I felt a strong need to support myself in all ways.
I waited until 39 to marry, and even that was a mistake on my part. I hate to tell you, but I wasn’t really ready for marriage until age 50, or at least I couldn’t find a man worthy of me until then…
I was single or unhappily married until age 50, but that is not to say I didn’t enjoy being single or love being married. Now I would say, with the right partner, I much prefer marriage to the single life. I love having my best friend to discuss everything with. I love having his expertise when I get some crazy idea that requires construction or mechanical abilities. Those are definitely not my strong suit. And I so enjoy unconditional love and support when I’m not feeling so sure of myself.
I now believe people were meant to live together and support each other, it just took me forever to find the person to do that for me. To younger people I say, What’s the rush?
Go out and live your life on your own terms! Be strong, see the world, experience life wherever you find it! Experience love wherever you find it, but never settle for someone who does not show you complete love and respect. Be yourself and find out exactly what that is for YOU. Then, when you know who you are, and love that person fiercely. When you have no intention of changing for others, only then choose a partner who loves you just the way you are!
My primary lesson from my first marriage: When you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for!
Where is your brain injury?
Slowly but surely I’ve been fighting back from a serious concussion this past September. Some days are fine, others I just feel like sitting and staring off into space for hours. One thing is for sure, it is quite difficult for me to maintain a good conversation for more than an hour or two. My brain gets tired very quickly.
Today I want to share with you some new information to me. I was searching around the Internet and came upon this very interesting page from the Centre for Neuro Skills on brain function. I guess I did not realize how important it is to specify where your brain has been injured, in identifying what functions are compromised.
For example, my traumatic brain injury back in 2008 damaged my frontal lobe (in the forehead area). According to this documentation this section controls consciousness, how we initiate activity, judgments in daily activities, emotional response, expressive language and assigns meaning to the words we choose, word associations and memory activities.
After being unconscious for hours after my bike accident with a serious bleed inside my brain, I struggled for at least a year with judgment, my emotions, language, word meanings, spelling and memory. I never did remember my accident, just the aftermath, and then only barely.
As luck would have it, I had just decided to become a writer in 2006 so writing became my best brain exercise. I actually published my first book by the end of 2008! I’m nothing if not stubborn!
Yes, I got very slowly better and thought that part of my life was history until this past September when I fell backwards onto concrete and knocked a small hole in my skull and injured my left parietal lobe. This led to even more problems with spelling and vocabulary. I now need to ask my husband words all of the time, and that’s very frustrating to me. In fact everything mentioned on this list rings try to me, especially “the inability to plan a sequence of complex movements to complete a multi-stepped task.”
I see now that brain injuries on top of previous injuries are the worst in terms of trying to get things done. At first I could only stare outside for hours. Luckily the views are fantastic up here! Believe it or not, I think coloring my mandalas has helped my brain a lot. It’s so hard for me to “be here now,” but I’m working on it every day.
Not to make excuses, but I’m pretty sure this new injury is making it much harder for me to put together my new memoir about moving to this beautiful new part of the country to retire. Luckily I don’t have to go to work, but even my new volunteer position at the local veterans nursing home could be a challenge at times. At least I’ll be among understanding friends.
Aging and Friendship
“Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen.” — Charles Caleb Colton, a popular nineteenth century English cleric
It is obvious to me, my previous post about moving and making friends past midlife hit some sort of nerve with my readers. I so enjoyed the personal comments made by over 20+ readers! Some have studied this phenomenon throughout their lives and concluded it may have to do with different parts of the country and different sizes of town and cities.
So I decided to do a little research into this subject. I wanted to understand why two of my closest friends for decades dropped me suddenly soon after I turned 50, and why only one friend from my previous life in the Fort Collins area (for 20 years!), still keeps in close contact now.
The most insightful article I found was: “Aging and 3 Kinds of Friendship” by Brent Green. Mr. Green tells us that there are three kinds of friendships we may experience as we proceed through life, convenience, cosmetic and interdependent. A different article defined these loosely as takers, givers, and power sharers.
We all have had convenience friends, ones you hang out with because you share a work place, or kids in the same grades, or the same workout gym. These relationships can be very unequal with one person “helping” the other a lot. They can be draining!
Cosmetic friendships can also be draining because the person who supposedly likes you, wants something for it. Like work friends who think your relationship may help their career, these “friends” can vaporize quite quickly when you have nothing more to give to them.
The best kind of friends are those who are interdependent on each other. They don’t lean heavily, but they are there for you and accept you exactly the way you are. To quote Mr. Green:
“Both parties contribute and receive. Both are available to share the joys of closeness and help shoulder the burdens that come with aging. They give and take. They are committed to mutual growth and positive adaptation along the uncharted journey through life…They include the extraordinary friends we can count on when we become distraught or disillusioned. They are people who lift our spirits and in return welcome our nurturing care during their tough times.”
If you have any friends like these, count yourself very lucky!
Location, Location, Location – Where do you belong in this wild & crazy world?
Picture this: We now live a southern Colorado county with only two traffic lights. Yep, in the whole county!
So, our recent experience getting stuck in our worst traffic jam ever in Denver, convinced us that country living may be a better choice. After a quick trip up there this week, I am even more certain that we have found the best place in the world for us.
What happens when I drive up to Denver? The first thing I notice is the foul air, and then everything starts crowding in on me. When you’re used to a one stoplight town, traffic in the city can get very intense, very quickly. Try sitting in that traffic for 30 or 40 minutes after living in the southern Colorado outback for a couple of years. UNBELIEVABLE!
Did you know my original goal in leaving northern Colorado was to never waste another minute of my limited lifespan sitting in a traffic jam?
Don’t get me wrong. I do see the appeal of the city, just not for me anymore. I now totally appreciate what a fine line it can be finding the right size city for each of us. Too small and it can get boring, too large and it’s ugly in so many ways.
From my experience, it is important when you start searching for your forever home, to spend some serious time there first. Spend at least six months to a year there before choosing anything permanent. Try to make a few friends and learn as much as you can about the area.
As we age we find out how important the simple pleasures are in our lives. When you have more past than future, you learn.
Want to learn more about the experience of moving from the city to the country to live a quiet, relaxed life? Check it out here!
After the Snow, Lovely Sunshine!
It snowed all day yesterday. It was so peaceful and beautiful…
And then this morning I woke up to the prettiest winter morning I could ever imagine… granted it is 3 degrees outside, but it is truly glorious!
The mountains in the distance are, of course, stunning from our front windows, but what thrills me the most is the sparkles in the newly fallen snow…
so hard to capture, and yet exactly like someone threw small diamonds all over the ground.
And here is an early morning photo of the tidy little valley below us…
just as the sun comes up to make our new day the best ever!
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I am filled with gratitude that I can now live like this forever. Please go learn more about our move from Fort Collins to here in my new memoir!
Adventures of the NEW??? Old Farts 