To celebrate the 12th anniversary of the day Mike and I met, I decided to run this popular post from my now defuncted “Midlife Crisis Queen” blog. This is one of the first posts I wrote after starting my first blog in 2007:
“Love is lovelier, the second time around. Just as wonderful, with both feet on the ground…” — Sammy Cahn
And so it is. Falling in love later can be quite the challenge, but when it does happen, it feels just like a miracle! To me it felt like winning the lottery, and in a way it was! When I think back to all the reasons why Mike and I should not have met, it boggles my mind that we did. Although we only lived ten miles apart, without the Internet we most certainly wouldn’t have met.
Our backgrounds were very different, and we shared no social networks. I was also getting plenty gun shy from meeting new men online. The men kept vaporizing after our first date! Yes, I was beginning to feel mighty hopeless.
Then there was the fact that we didn’t really match up on paper. I came from a background with an emphasis on academics, and Mike went to the Navy instead of college. His specialty is mechanics and electronics, mine is counseling, research and writing. but what we had in common turned out to be much more important!
Mike and I immediately found a cameraderie of spirit which I have never found in another human being. We both realized later that we had been seeking to connect with others in this way for most of our lives, but had somehow missed until the day we met.
From the very beginning our souls spoke to each other in a unique and unusual way, a spontaneous familiarity, a synchronicity of body, mind and heart. And even more amazing, we both realized and appreciated that fact immediately. No backing away from it, no denying it. We both decided to trust our inner wisdom and simply go with it.
We spoke for ten hours on our first date, and took a short trip together less than two weeks after we met, which all reminds me of that great line at the end of one of my favorite romantic comedies:
“When you finally meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible!” – ‘When Harry Met Sally.’
We both had been through so much, and so we recognized immediately when something unique and wonderful fell into our laps. I also learned about a key component of compatibility that I had never thought about before. Besides the usual requirements, the deal breakers, etc., I learned how important it is that your partner process information at the same rate. Mike and I think at the same rate, and often come to the same conclusions simultaneously. This is quite a gift in a long term relationship!
My own theory of love and attraction came through loud and clear when I first met Mike, that is you get what you are in love. As much as you have worked on developing into your best self, that is the kind of person you will attract to yourself.
So keep working on self-love and self-respect, feel daily gratitude for the life you now have, and read good blogs and books like my own: How to believe in love again. Never give up on love if that’s what you want!
My favorite poet Marge Piercy said it best:
“Love is plunging into darkness toward a place that may exist.”
I’m a newcomer to rural southern Colorado. After two years I decided to compile a short journal about the ups and downs of moving from a good-sized city to rural America to build a passive solar retirement home in the foothills:
Please share this information with your friends if they are considering similar life changes. Feel free to contact me directly to discuss any of these challenges, and to order your own signed copies of any of my books! Cheers, Laura Lee (email me: MidlifeCrisisQueen@gmail.com)