The world is full of rules… Be the exception!
I just celebrated my 62nd birthday. The gift I gave myself this year was a whole day without judging myself or my actions. I found this to be so much easier said than done: So many rules, so little time!
With every decision I made yesterday, I found someone in my brain there to question it. Should I do this or that? In each case I chose exactly what I wanted and ignored the “shoulds.” In this way I became even more conscious of all the rules in my own head. Wow, who knew what a negative committee I had been dealing with my whole life!
Then last night I started thinking about the many well-meaning (but annoying!) friends (and one ex-husband…) who were constantly offering me advice and instruction in how to live my life better.
DO THEY REALLY THINK I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TOXIC ADVICE FROM THE NEGATIVE COMMITTEE IN MY HEAD YET? SURE, POUR IT ON!
A number of years ago, I was visiting my parents down in Silver City when I saw this dish at an art gallery. I had to buy it, and then displayed it prominently in my living room. Did it work? No. By age 60 I began marking those friends off my list when they turned out to be duds.
Do you really think I haven’t lost weight because you haven’t arrived yet to share your latest tip on taking more walks or eating less? Gee, it might be my fractured ribs, two head injuries, COPD and other lung problems that are making walking at 7,000 feet a bit more challenging for me…
Whatever else I might be, I am super smart when it comes to solving my own problems, and I already have plenty of rules in my head that I’m slowly paring down for reasons mentioned above…
Thanks for trying, but I think I may know myself a tad bit better than you, since I just met you!
8 thoughts on “A Whole Day Without Rules or Self-Judgment”
Happy Birthday and Happy Stop Listening To Toxic People Day! I did this a long time ago… after my divorce…he always made me feel “less than”..I decided no one can do that to me but me….and I haven’t let anyone give me advice since….I only have myself to blame for what happens to me or who I hang out with and I’m doing pretty well….
Yes Ms. Hellion, I’ve been working on this change of attitude for years, and you know, I think I enjoy it…
Great post! You are right I have enough judgement in my own head, I don’t need advice from others. I also need to *maybe* look at all the times I *might* offer all my astounding wisdom to others….and maybe just hush up about it.
YES! That’s the most important lesson of all in all of this! By telling someone else how to live, we assume we know them better than they know themselves. How ridiculous is that?
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And even if we do know better….maybe keep it to ourselves until asked. I do bite my tongue A lot as I get older!
I don’t so much bite my tongue as think…someday they will discover that for themselves, and it will feel so good then!
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I had a dear friend and mentor, Marcia, tell me right before she passed away…to make every day my birthday. She said that way you will celebrate yourself every day, not just one day a year. Your blog and beautiful gift to yourself made me think of how powerful it would be to not judge myself every day! That is definitely something to strive for. Happy Birthday!
Thank you Ellen and happy everyday to you too! Yes, I love all the new things I am learning by living more in the present, and noticing all the ways I’m hard on myself. I am so a work in progress, but I can see everyday how much progress is being made…How do I know? I am so much happier with myself and my life!