I just received a reminder that my 45th high school reunion is coming up soon. My first response is I simply cannot believe that I graduated from high school 45 years ago. How did that happen? So I turned to my yearbooks to try and remember something about high school.
I hated everything about high school. I hated my home life and how I felt at school. The best way to describe me looking back from my 45-years-later perspective is flat affect. I just kept wondering if my life would ever get better. I remember at high school graduation singing that German song from Cabaret: “Tomorrow belongs to me…” over and over in my head.
These days I am so glad I hung in there! Everything got better in college. I went to Colorado College, the one where my father taught. As soon as I got there I felt like I fit in much better. For the first time I was constantly around fellow eggheads, and finally completely academically challenged. Slowly through the past four decades I have become more at home in my own body and freer to become my true self.
The hardest battle you will face in life is to be no one but yourself, in a world which is trying its hardest to make you like everybody else!
Now I see this maturation process as peeling the onion of my soul. At first I only felt safe taking off the most outer layers, exposing my true self very slowly and carefully, so afraid of what others might think or say. When I finally got some counseling in my early thirties, my therapist noted how often I said, “People think this…” She would challenge me with, “Who are these people?” It was not easy, but I have finally found my true self in the midst of too much feedback from others, and far too many rules in my own mind.
Adventures of the NEW Old Farts 
It sounds like an interesting experiment. I was going to go to my 40th reunion for much the same reason as you, only my political values differ enormously from where I went to high school and realized I’d either get really depressed or start slapping people. So I chose not to. Maybe I’ll try the 45th.
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You know the rule Anne, no religion or politics, although that could be a tough one this year! If I go I’ll let you know how it went…
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I went to a small all girls high school and have gone to many of our reunions. Our last big one (30th) was the best as we saw how the “differences” that divided us into cliques have mostly melted away and we just enjoyed each other’s company –sprinkled with laughter over our high school antics and insecurities.
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That sounds like a GREAT TIME to me Coco! My high school had something like 2,000 students…small would have been much better for me.
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Fascinating blog post. Aren’t you so glad to be alive and well, pen in hand, looking back, instead of being that frightened young thing, looking forward? I don’t ever get when people say they would like to be eighteen again. This time of life is THE BEST! Anyway, I do hope you attend. You have nothing to lose and perhaps a diverting evening and new friend or two to gain.
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Yes, I can see myself talking to people I never knew in high school and finding a room full of fascinating new friends. And no, I NEVER wished I was 17 again…just 24 and crazy in love š
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Life is the great leveller. I’ve only been to one reunion, my 22nd, but most everyone had been somewhat humbled by life and things were vastly different!
BTW, I graduated in ’73 as well. And blossomed after high school. We’re kindred spirits!
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Yes Diane, life is nothing if not humbling! I would say I am a very late bloomer. I didn’t really get started until 50 or so, but it has been a great ride since then!
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Go to the reunion and enjoy. If nothing else you will have a lot to write about afterward.
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Great point! Everything is food for thought and writing!
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I graduated in 71 and missed my 45th because I felt too chubby. I didn’t hang out with most of them because I was in Drama and my theater chums were a year younger. I’ve hooked up with a few high school friends on Facebook but never actually hung out with them in school. We don’t have a whole lot in common otherwise.
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